Mom died and I'm a wreck! Is this normal?

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Mom died and I don't know what to do! I moved into their home to take care of dad who passed away, then mom got diagnosed with cancer, 3yrs later then she died. She died the other day in hospice care.

I'm having nightmares IF I sleep. Haven't slept over 2 hours a night! I'm throwing up, having panic attacks or I'm just feeling like I'm in a weird nightmare. Mom was my best friend! We did everything together, cooked together, shopped together, had dinner together every night and played scrabble. She declined quickly -- I mean, I really thought we had 5 years ahead of us! She went into the ER with a UTI and BAM!!! Pain and screaming. Her rectal cancer had gotten to the point where it was blocking passages. She was inoperable.

I feel like I'm dying! Or I'm going crazy! I can't leave the house cause I'm scared I'm gonna throw up in public or have a panic attack! I was fine before this (kinda) and this just shook me to the core! There are hardly any support groups in my area.

Can you give me tips on not going crazy and how to live a normal life after your favorite person in the whole world dies? I'm so incredibly sick to my stomach over this and I look like a professional boxer cause I have so much bags under my eyes - like someone beat me up! Nonstop crying. Is this normal? I heard of people grieving before, but I think I'm dying!! :-(........

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Precious Boogs, I am so sorry for your loss. Like everyone has said, grieving is different for everyone. I'm sure Hospice will be a WONDERFUL resource as well as your support system here. Hugs to you.
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UHH???

Some therapist!

Good grief, woman, it's the tenth of July. If you want to lie in a darkened room and bawl your eyes out, you go ahead. But walking is better for you - you'll get tired enough to sleep.

What about her funeral? Are you handling it, has it been, what's going on with that?
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Boogs,
I agree with the others advice. Hospice should be able to help you. The Hospice organization I used had a Bereavement Counseler available to my family for 1 year after our loved ones death. If you explained to Hospice how paralyzed your loved ones death has left you I would hope they would travel the 45 minutes to you initially to visit with you. If you need more help than they can provide I would HOPE they would suggest some resources close to you.
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So sorry for your loss. Your mom sounds like a delightful person. Great advice from the other folks on this thread.
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My husband suffered some of what you describe when his first wife passed.

If you cannot go out - call others to come in. I'm hopeful that someone from Hospice or your local church will come to visit you and help you work through your grief.
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Mom passed on June 30th 2am. Before she left, I held her hand and kissed her forehead and told her, "It's ok to let go. I'm gonna be ok." She was so worried about me when she was conscious. She gave me such a huge hug before the ambulance took her and said, "I'm worried about you and love you." It was the biggest hug she ever gave me - as if she knew she wasn't coming home.

The counseling that hospice has is 45 minutes away. I can't drive very far because I have horrible anxiety mixed in with a touch of agoraphobia. I work from home doing freelance but it's not enough to keep me busy. My partner had to take a month off work (FMLA) due to how horrible I'm coping with this.

Envisioning her being happy with zero pain works well, until late at night when I'm in tears.

I know grieving is different for everybody, but I don't want to grieve this hard. I do have a therapist but he's kinda like, "Well, that's life, toughin up kiddo." *sigh* He's right, but it makes it hard to talk with him about it........ I don't want to walkownin grief, but what can I do? Been with mom for 43 years every single day (even when I lived somewhere else!) I was always over her house and when we started living together, we had such a great dynamic and laughed so much. But at the end, she didn't laugh much cause she started to get horrendous pain and anxiety. Mom never even knew what anxiety was.

Thanks for listening guys. Someone told me that I should feel some sort of relief. I don't. I hope she has relief though.

Thanks again.
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Boogs if you had such a close relationship with your Mom this transition is not going to be easy for you. Speaking from experience...........It's one thing to lose your Mom but when she was also your best friend..........it's a tough one.

Time does make it better but you are going to have to try to fill that time with constructive things. Sitting and wallowing in your grief isn't going to cut it. I tried it. It doesn't work. I convinced myself that if I just cried and thought about Mom constantly and didn't allow myself to step away from it that meant I still somehow had her with
me. It's really not true. She is gone and the sooner you start to accept it the better.

I heard a touching story once. Dr. Phil had this man on his show once who just could not get past the grief over the loss of his son. He just held on to it and held on to it. I think he was scared that if he stopped grieving that he really had lost his son. Dr. Phil told him to close his eyes and picture his son in heaven. There is this group of people there with his son and they are all holding candles. They are headed off to some wondrous place up there in heaven but this man's son keeps hanging back from the group. Dr. Phil said to the father "Do you want to know why your son doesn't go with his friends up there?" The man nodded............and Dr. Phil continued with the story. The others who had their candles and were waiting to go said to this man's son. Why aren't you coming with us? The son said "Cause my Father's tears keep putting out my flame"
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All responses to death are "normal"...allow yourself to grieve.
It's a shock and a trauma...go slowly.
Call Hospice. They will help.

Deepest condolences...
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Hospice has support for family members usually for a year following the death. Call them today. It is normal and different for everyone.

I am sorry for your loss.
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It is normal.

That does not make it any less painful.

I'm so sorry to read of your mother's passing away. When exactly did this happen?
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