Mom didn't want paid caregivers to shower her so she lied about how I treat her. Any suggestions? -

Mom didn't want paid caregivers to shower her so she lied about how I treat her. Any suggestions?


She has some dementia, but has always been very difficult to live with. She refuses to shower and when I tried, she got so angry and hateful to me that I gave up. We then hired an organization to come in twice a week to shower her. She got along well with the first organization because she was showered and then taken out to lunch. In December she fell and broke her hip. Now it is too difficult to take her out. We then had the workers recommended by the rehab hospital come out to shower her. She didn't want them doing this but complied. She has had 3 different people come out. She apparently told them that I mistreat her and they believed it. They called today 5 minutes before time to arrive and refused to come out anymore. Don't these people know about the elderly and how they tell untrue stories because they are angry? Do these organizations "black list" people?



Dear hardtocope,

I'm sorry to hear what you are going through with your mom. I know its hard to be the main caregiver and arrange for aids to come in. I know its frustrating. I would call the care agency to follow up as the others have suggested. Try talking to a social worker and see what other options are available. It might be time for assisted living or a nursing home. Maybe this conversation will make your mom more receptive to having in home care.
Helpful Answer (1)
Reply to cdnreader

I agree. What makes you think that they've stopped coming because of what your mom is telling them?

Agencies are mandated reporters of abuse. If they thought there was abuse happening, APS would be knocking on your door.

As suggested above, call management and ask why they can no longer provide service to mom.
Helpful Answer (1)
Reply to BarbBrooklyn

I would call the organization and ask to speak to someone in management to get to the bottom of this. I find it hard to believe they have refused service because of your mother's nasty gossip, there may be something else going on that you are not aware of: could your mother be verbally and/or physically abusing the caregivers? Are they finding the job more difficult than they contracted for because your mother doesn't comply or the equipment available doesn't meet their needs? Radio psychologist Dr Joy Browne used to tell people to go into a situation "curious, not furious" - ask politely with a true desire to work out any problems to see what you can find out, from there hopefully you can find a workable solution.
Helpful Answer (1)
Reply to cwillie