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She had pneumonia and had her lung drained. Testing came back as stage 4, but unknown origin and location. We were told because of her age 84, and medical conditions, pacemaker, that her treatment would be to make her comfortable. I don't understand, how do I let her go we're best friends and mom and daughter. How do I make her last days or months not feel like her last days or months?

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Have you considered hospice care? That is one way to be sure the focus is on her comfort.

I agree with blannie that you should let your mother set the tone and pace of conversations. Talking about good memories seems appropriate.

I am so sorry you and your mother are facing this. That you have been best friends makes this harder in some ways. But how lucky you are to have had that relationship for all these years! It would be truly sad not to have anyone to mourn because you were never close to anyone.
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It sounds like your mom's cancer has metastasized and they're not able to tell where it originally began. At this point, where it started isn't important.

To me, you have to let your mom set the tone and the pace for her remaining time. I had a very good friend who had kidney cancer that took his life. I wanted to have deep conversations about life and how he felt about his life, but that wasn't who he was. So we basically just carried on as though nothing had happened and never talked about the elephant in the room. That's not how I'd handle it if it was me, but it was his life and his choice.

Just be sure you let your mom know how you feel about her and being her daughter. Talk about the good times and what she's meant to you and your life. Celebrate her and her contributions to this world. That's what I'd suggest. Coming to terms with the realization that I couldn't save my friend was one of the hardest things I've ever gone through. Losing a parent is a very sad, sobering event that we all go through twice in our lives.
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She had the full body pet scan. Numerous other tests. 2nd opinion too. The cancer was diagnosed as unknown origin, and that we may never know.
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Kitty, I'm so sorry that you're going through this!

As I said above, it seems like a full body CAT scan might be the way to go.
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Did they do a full body cat scan?
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I would get a second opinion, having stage 4 cancer and not knowing what type of cancer it is or the location doesn't sound right.

With modern medicine using immune therapy to fight the cancer, it would be worth checking that out.
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