Please help me. I don't know what to do or what NOT to do. My mother who is a 76 year old widow, (lost Dad from bladder cancer 2 yrs ago) was just diagnosed with colon cancer. We are getting her into Sloan Kettering.
Just to give you an idea of the situation…
My partner & I were asked to move into their large home when Dad was first diagnosed with cancer. I work from home, so I was able to take care of them, cook for them and do the necessary things they needed with the help of hospice. When Dad passed away, I began taking my mom shopping, continued making healthy meals and providing companionship, etc.
I have 3 older sisters. Two of them are very business career women. One of them does freelance, just as I do. We both share in taking Mom to the grocery store and medical appointments.
The sister who helps me, as giving as she is, does not do well with stressful situations. When Dad was sick and in the hospital, she had thought that I left my mom alone at night because I failed to answer my phone at 10pm. I was sleeping. When I finally answered, she screamed and said, "I'm coming over and I'm going to kill you!" (She has bipolar disorder and is a heavy drinker.) I had to call the cops and she was outside the house screaming blood curdling cries, as if she was being murdered. She eventually apologized to me, but I had to keep her at arm's length because these types of episodes occurred often.
Mom is a planner. She took out a reverse mortgage on the house, not a lot, but enough for me to buy it out once it's offered to the final heir in the home (me). The equity would wash it up anyway due to the value now. Anyway, it's not something I bring up or talk about, however my sister was here and said, "I'm moving in with my boyfriend and animals and gonna live here!"
#1. She is unstable and scary.
#2. Her boyfriend drinks till he's drawing in his own vomit. (NOT exaggerating!)
#3. They just inherited a million dollars from an old man they decided to take care of in his final years. They do this often.
Now, they want to squeeze my partner and I out of our home and we plan on having a family. I am in the process of trying to get pregnant, have been for a while. She is freaking out because I calmly stated that we needed the room when we do have a baby. Although the house is large, there are only 3 bedrooms due to offices and bedrooms converted into other types of areas.
Because of my refusal to let her move in, she flipped out on me again, but this time, even attacked my partner, who is the sweetest person you'd ever meet. As we were rushing mom up to the ER because she developed a sepsis infection, we texted my sister to let her know where we'll be and what was going on. I could not call her because I was in the back of the ambulance. My partner drove behind us.
When we arrived at the hospital, my sister was drunk and yelling profanities at us, screaming, "I should have gotten a phone call!!!! WTF is wrong with you? I deserve a phone call and not a text!!!!" We. could. not. call. We thought a text would have been enough since she is glued to that phone 24/7. She texted back, so I knew she got it.
ANYWAY, as we were walking into the ER -- she was still fighting with us, even started to push my partner and insulting her family and saying how unfair it was for us to have a child. Security had to cart her out.
Now she apologizes. We BOTH share in the chores of taking care of mom
Question: How do I handle this? I'm scared of her. She's absolutely psychotic and my mother says, "Oh you know how she is, she means well." But to threaten my life, my home, my partner -- isn't that a bit much?
I'm having so much anxiety over this that I haven't slept for almost a week -maybe 3 hours *if*…. It's ruining my health and I'm going into a major depression. I actually don't feel like living anymore because this isn't what LIFE should be like. I feel like she controls everything.
Any advice would be appreciated. I'm hopeless and depressed and not sure if I want to be "HERE" anymore. It's just not worth it. :(