My Mom (92) is in denial about her health and my Dad's health. How do I get her to acknowledge what is going on without hurting her?


My parents are both 92. This week my mom's blood pressure has been 180/110. She refused to go to the hospital or a temporary stay in assisted living. she and dad live in an apartment at a senior center. my dad went into assisted living, supposedly temporarily, a few weeks ago. the staff doesn't think mom is well enough to take dad back into the apartment with her but she keeps saying she is. she has aged terribly these last years taking care of him. and she is really, really stubborn. i'm an only child and it is hard to know what to do.

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First, leave dad in assited living. That's a huge step you don't want to battle with again. Next, it sounds like mom is also ready for AL. As freq says, it may take some waiting her out and the next crisis but strick while the iron is hot. I'm in this waiting game with my parents. The next crisis, er visit, bad fall etc, away they go!
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One thing I've used on my mom to get her places is to tell her we have an appointment. She always feels an obligation to go if someone is waiting on her. I don't tell her ahead of time that she's going to the doctor or getting a perm or she'll say she doesn't want to go. So I go over with plenty of time to get her dressed and we're off to our appointment.

I also agree with Babalou, that when our folks get older and their judgment is going, you have to step in and assume the "parental" role and just tell them you're doing X, Y, or Z. Tell her you love her and you're concerned for her and you won't rest until you know she's doing OK.

Pull out all of the stops and try everything to see what works. Then remember that trick for future use! You gotta do what you gotta do.
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Can mom go to assisted living also?

I woild be worried about the danger of stroke with bp that jigh. Will she go to the doctor, to urgent care or the er to have that checked out? For me, with my mom, sometimes it was a matter of telling, not a sking. If i asked my mother if she wanted to get something checked out, she'd say not. But if i say "qe're going to the X doctor, she's pretty agreeable.
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thanks for answering... it is definitely hard. good luck to you. we are lucky to have both parents still alive in their 90s.
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Sometimes we have to just stand in the background and watch... and cringe. My parents are also in their 90's and Dad still thinks he can do everything around the house that he could do back when he was in his 50's... seeing him up on a ladder makes me want to bang my head against the wall, but no amount of talking to him will help.... I just have to let it be.

You might just have to wait until there is something really serious that happens before your Mom or your Dad will realize they need another layer of help... [sigh]

It becomes a waiting game, and wait, and wait.
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