My Mom has dementia and COPD and wants to remain in her house. What can we do when she doesn't want to bathe and kicks out nurses aides? - AgingCare.com

My Mom has dementia and COPD and wants to remain in her house. What can we do when she doesn't want to bathe and kicks out nurses aides?

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She forgets to put on her oxygen so she can't be left alone. Doctor say she has 3-6 mos left to live. Can we get aides that will refuse to leave, stand up to her?

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I think when elderly people put their foot down and insist on remaining in their homes then they need to realize that in order to do so they are going to have to make some compromises. Since your mom has dementia she may not be able to compromise.

It's not the aides who are responsible for standing up to her, it's you. If you want your mom to have aides to help her bathe and help care for her you are the one who's going to have to be responsible for them. If your mom kicks them out, next time be there when the aide gets there. Help the aide assimilate into your mom's routine. Be the buffer between your mom and the aide. Maybe once your mom sees that the aides aren't so bad she'll get used to them.

Plus, a professional caregiver isn't going to refuse to leave if your mom kicks her out. All that will accomplish is getting your mom worked up and agitated. I know your mom needs in home care but you can't force it down her throat.
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You might need to get a guardianship to be able to insist she can't fire people. Even then, this won't be easy. If she's confused enough she might even want to kick YOU out because she is not thinking rationally, and that won't be any better with lack of oxygen adding to it too. The prognosis, right or wrong, would qualify her hospice, but maybe that's what you already have? You could ask the staffing director what their options and policies are in this situation, and what you would have to do to change that.
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