My Mom has always been pessimistic - she can think of the worst scenarios for a sunshiney day. Very negative. She is great for being 85. At her Home, she has musical programs, activities 2-3 times a day every day, personal care givers, beautiful room, everything she needs and more. She's 9 months in her 'Home' having fallen at home with my husband and I. The doctor's diagnosis from the Hospital put her in the Home to keep her safe as she has dementia (and did start fires on the stove at home). She is jealous of her neighbor's attention from the caregivers - the woman can't do anything for herself so 4 aids get her up and ready in the morning. My mother can go to the bathroom, get dressed, make her bed, move in her wheelchair anywhere in the Home - her poor neighbor can't do any of that - yet my mother scorns the attention her neighbor gets. My Mom was also angry about having to 'help' the 101 year old woman at her breakfast table opening her butter!!!! She said the people there are idiots and 'she's not' - very much lacking compassion for these ladies who have been nothing but nice to her. She says she wants out of the facility yet won't go when we try to take her somewhere. Underneath I know she is angry and wants to be home where my husband and I took care of her every whim for 10 years and I for the 20 years before my husband. We quite our jobs and moved in to help her as she has macular degeneration also. One day she is laughing about winning bingo that she wouldn't play previously because of her macular degeneration and the next day she wants God to take her and can't stand the 'sensations' in her shoulder (post surgery nerve damage and then shingles in the past). I don't go running because she will just puppy down with that - if I gave in and ran over there at every call - she would never have tried the Bingo which she has to start taking part in things for her own good. Whatever she does her stimulus is ANGER. She can't do ANYTHING good with a healthy and positive reason. She has a 'church' face and then the 'truth'. Does anyone else deal with a manipulative emotional blackmailer type of parent? My mother was totally codependent on us and me specifically her whole life. She always has to have someone to 'step' on to feel good - she doesn't know that everyone can be on the same level. Also she has no esteem and needs her 'stuff' - jewelry and all - to feel 'better than'. She lives for compliments and has an extremely shallow outlook. She has no off button - if you feed into filling her 'void' with compliments, gifts and attention, it doesn't last - it's a black hole with no bottom. Now, with the complication of her memory and perceptions - she is just in a dither and keeping herself stressed out and anxious. The nurses give her meds and let her eat in her room and stop in to talk - she has a psychiatrist visit every week - has depression and anxiety meds....she is determined to be miserable and just stays constantly 'anxious' and 'stressed' and changes like the wind if the minister stops in for a visit so this is how I know it's somewhat contrived for my benefit to keep me upset and in line. If it was real - I would fly there and move in if need be - however - I know it will do more harm than good and she will then continue her poor behaviors like she's been 'confirmed' - I, therefore, don't 'jump' or call the nurse or anything and she needs to deal with her attitude and damage she's done all by herself like an errant child or she'll never be any better. Thanks for listening. I know what's right - I have has IBS, heart issues, muscular back issues and shoulder surgery over the past years so am trying to manage the stress so do not want to succumb to her exaggerations babying her or she will never 'grow up' and start to adjust healthfully. Anyone have info on how you respond to this kind of stuff?