Mom was released back to my brother, I am her medical advocate and POA. What can I do?

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My mother has dementia and is 94 years old, I am her medical advocate, and Power of attorney, I have 4 other siblings. Four years ago we had to remove her from her home as she could no longer take care of herself, she has since lived at each of our home for extended lengths of time. Two years ago I made the decision to admit her into a group home facility as I could see it was causing a great deal of distress for the family and her to deal with constant moving. This is when the problem started, my brother became extremely upset, told me I was terrible and abusive and that he no way agreed to this arrangement and he wanted to take on the responsiblity of her care. I did not agree with this but I asked the other siblings what they wanted and it was decided that he would become her caregiver. He has been paid $1800.00 a month, compensation for this, for the last 18 months. In November she took a fall, and ended up in hospital, with a fractured hip. The hip was fixed and she was placed in a therapy nursing home for recuperation, upon finding she had dementia they released from therapy and sent her back to his house. She is now incontinent, and does not communicate very well. We she was released back to my brother, I explained to him that he was going to have to hire help for care, bath, etc. , which he said he would do. He has not done that, instead he informed me I would pay him $3500.00, per month and he would see that there was help, he lives 3 hours from my home. I have since come home and found a wonderful adult home, that would be willing to care for her, less than a mile from my home and I would like to place her there. My other three siblings, are all for this as they agree she needs more care. I have approached him regarding this and he is unwilling to release her to me, stating I am abusing and neglectful regarding her care. I have no idea what to do any ideas

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You are your mom's legal advocate and your other siblings agree with what is the right thing for your mom. Ask them to back you up with your brother.

It seems that your brother wants the money and that's not in your mom's best interest. If you need to take legal action, an elder law attorney may be able to throw a scare into your brother so he let's you use your POA.

Good luck with this. It's hard when family differences become so ugly.
Carol
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You are POA,, time to use that authority. Your Mom chose YOU to look after her well being!!

It seems to me that your brother does not want to give up his monthly payment... It was going to end sometime!!

Again! I say you are your Mom's advocate and she should be your only concern right now...
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Good News, my brother let me get my mother, she is now in a adult care home, with 6 other adults with varying degress of dementia. She resides approximately 2 minutes from my home where I can come and go. Home is set up just like a family and she is receiving great care. I thank everyone for their imput
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Young Roxanne..... sounds like it worked out in the best interest of your mother! So glad for you.... much burden lifted off your shoulders!
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Bless you Roxanne! It is so AWESOME to hear something work out sensibly for a change!! There are people who just think using any care facility is always bad and neglectful, and brother was apparently one of those, until reality intervened. He can say what he wants, but she broke her hip on HIS watch. I hope he can forgive himself - and you can forgive him - and Mom can have some pleasure in both of your company.
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At this point not only is she in dementia, it is very possible he is as well. His inability to accept her illness and provide care for it goes beyond simple denial. It points to a declining mental faculty on his part. Gather up the posse and have an intervention, get her moved to a safe place. You might even consider petitioning for guardianship for HIM, so sad.
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