My 81-year-old mom has dementia and is narcissistic. Is anyone else dealing with this?

This is my first post. I have an 82 year old mum and she is extremely self absorbed as well. On my day off, yesterday I took her to Drs because she has a wound that is not healing on her leg. She is supposed to wear support hose. She will not follow the medical staffs directions. She gets so excited to call all her friends and tell them all about her medical adventures. I love her and want to be there for her but she is exhausting to be around. I am feeling like I need some support to work through dealing with her when she is non compliant, negative, bossy, self absorbed and dismissive, she lives by herself right now, but I do not know how long this can continue. I work full time, and have two days off a week. But she plans my days off so I can do her bidding!

Yep, me too. My husband of 30 years is a raging narcissistic monster, is currently being assessed for level of dementia and lack of capacity, and is a recent stroke survivor. The perfect trifecta ... :(.

The advice on this threat is spot on. Please heed it. As my therapist said: get educated about NPD, protect your assets, take care of yourself, and Get Out!

PS - you might want to check out Quora.com, the NPD section. It's an online community like this one and has a huge following for NPD victims and survivors. Follow the contributors who resonate with you. Invaluable learning and encouragement to Get Out. You are not alone.

Best of luck to you. Hugs!

It is a good idea to keep a journal on daily behavior of yourself and whomever , a dr may prescribed xanax as a way to help . Momma may have paranoia schitzophrenic and you may notice the most difficult times are 7-10 days before the full moon ( it has always been this way ) and you may find even you are very sensitive at this time . Her moving in and losing most of her personal items she has lived with for a long while can cause issues emotionally that she does not know how to deal with . Definitely ask the dr to consider something that really does work and perhaps depression help for yourself because this is hard but it won't last forever ..

Omg yes. 94 year old grandmother broke her back and we have been caring for her all by ourselves. Today I just cried this has been so much on us. And I've been through more than most and am disabled... I honestly don't know how anyone can do this. But I just keep hoping and praying for better days. Many blessings for all who have been or are going through this.

Yes. My husbands estranged mother fell into our lap recently. One day, she walks out of her room and tells us that none of her clothes fit and she will be walking around naked until we buy her more. She brought all of her clothes with her when she moved in. They are the same clothes she refused to let us replace. And suddenly, she needs a whole new wardrobe. However, when we took her to the store to buy new ones, she had a meltdown because she doesn't want THESE new clothes. She wants to go to a local store in Arizona and we need to drive her there. We are in Oklahoma. She doesn't care. It's a nightmare. Last night, while I was trying to put the three children to bed, she stood in her doorway, half naked and loudly cried she was cold. Would she put on her warm clothes? No. How about the new winter robe, slipper socks and houseshoes? No. Does she want to curl up in her bed under all the blankets in the house (She had actually taken all the blankets off the children's beds and I had to give them mine.) No. What did she want? She wanted me to go out, buy a new central heater and give her a thermostat in her room.
Some days, it takes all I have to just breathe and say no. It's not that I don't care about her, but I can not WAIT until we have enough things in order to get her to a facility. I am going to have to try hard not to just dismiss her complaints when she's there. It would be far too easy to just assume every complaint is just "her". I wish you luck in dealing with this!

Ive just joined this online awesome community and saw your post
i know it’s been years and you may or may not get this message but curious to see how you’re doing now?

Yes yes yes!!!! This is me! I have yet to have mom move in with me although she has brought it up during one of her pity parties. Usually when she is fighting with my dad because he put up a boundary or he snapped back at her. The thought of my parents living with me crossed my mind but I can’t do it. I have two young kids and to add them would give me four kids instead of two. I also don’t think I could stand moms constant criticism laced with piety and good intentions. I could live with my dad, he’s pretty easy, but my mom nope, no way. She’s too toxic. And it hurts because I thought daughters and mothers were supposed to be close (thanks Pixar) and yet we aren’t. The other big fear is that I don’t want to expose my kids to this or myself to this. I don’t want to become like her.

A lifetime watching my beloved mother spiral into a hateful cocoon, narcissist - borderline, increasingly dementia’d - who today sent me in the mail a package of name cards from my high school graduation (she had found at her house) in a ‘ziploc’ taped with rubber bands and cardboard card around them with “allergic” penned in childlike writing, with the aid of a sharpie pen, and arrows pointing to the ziploc’d cards with my name (her youngest child) she apparently has developed said allergy - me the last living child, with taped ziploc and rubber bands - a punishment for sending her positive messages & concern around the current world pandemic underway (she is 83, with millions of dollars & delights in enlightening me I deserve nothing) - good Lord people. How can a woman 5’2” possess so much hate? There is no amount of money in the world for the kind of manic unwellness this woman, I will Love forever, demonstrates. Is there any way to defy this illness ? To overcome such hatefulness - for her soul - not mine. She is the primary caretaker of her alzheimer’d spouse, I know she emotionally abuses for sport. I am detached from this toxic unfolding (live a State away, have kept away from her for decades) but wish her & her spouse a better & a more peaceful last chapter of life... are there folks out there with any positive end of life stories for their hateful dysfunctional narcissistic loved ones?