I want to tell my useless siblings I will no longer pick out all the cards and gifts for them since Mom has dementia and cannot do it alone. - AgingCare.com

I want to tell my useless siblings I will no longer pick out all the cards and gifts for them since Mom has dementia and cannot do it alone.

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Mom is very old fashioned and has always given cards for all occasions throughout her life. Now she has dementia and lives with me so now I get to pick out all the d@mn cards and gifts for her. My brothers and their family are worthless, do nothing to help except to drop off the important cards like Mother's Day/B-day and Christmas along with a cheap gift that shows they know nothing about her. I am sick of it. I do not want to participate in the enabling of the 'fake family sentiments' anymore. I am ready to include a note from me not to expect anymore cards from Mom since I am the one having to pick them out, mail them, etc. My mom drives me crazy with these damn cards for every freakin occasion and I am at my wits end with it all. I would not mind so much if they were helping, showed up to visit, made any effort but they don't. But the world will fall apart without those phoney greeting cards!!!! I now hate greeting cards and if I never saw one again, I would be thrilled. I am not one for words or sticky sentiments, it's what you do, your actions that say the most.

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Well, here we go again, in dementia land where she doesn't remember, it's coming up on Thanksgiving and then of course, the ever popular Christmas. She has already started the card shopping request. I feel like such an Ogre telling her, "Mom, we already talked about no more cards!" She doesn't remember so many important things but she never forgets those damn cards!! Pray for sanity over the holidays.
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All your stories have brought smiles to my face and laughter! It is sad it ends up being one of us that this ridiculous chore falls upon us but this year, I wil let them know that "I" am no longer getting them their stupid cards and gifts so suck it up and be an adult for once!
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cwille, I have my own Hallmark file cabinet filled with cards for all occasions. While going through the cards the other day, I found a Hallmark get well card that was 35 cents full price, now that is going waaaay back. I also have the folded gift wrap paper, back when the paper was heavy enough to use as wallpaper, todays wrapping paper is so very thin.
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Growing up on a farm outside small community made it difficult to go to the card store very often so we always kept a selection of birthday, anniversary and sympathy cards on hand and a box of gift wrap suitable for every occasion. I must have packed those things up when we moved from mom's, hmmm, I wonder where they could be?
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At one time I bought my Mom a package of cards from Hallmark [no more boxes of cards like they had in the past].... I thought the package of cards would save me from running to Hallmark, but it didn't.

Mom wanted cards that said "Godchild" [not that easy to find anymore] even though the oldest Godchild was in his 70's, the rest were also senior citizens. But I didn't mind as these 3 Godchildren always remembered my parents with frequent telephone calls and with greeting cards. As for gifts, I think my parents wrote out checks to them.

I know I have reach senior citizen status when gifts from much younger people to me are oven mitts and kitchen towels [I don't cook]. Hand lotion vanilla scent [which I dislike]. And oh joy, just what I want linen hand towels [can't wait to get the iron out] :P One can drop hints but no one pays attention.
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Rainey, I gotta say, I like your style. I'm the only one for my folks and get stuck with the whole card mess for a slew of grandkids. I have to get the cards and the money holders and sit with mom and sweat out how much each kid should get and then mail or hand deliver them all. I understand your frustration. F...... Hallmark!
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When I was supposed to do the same thing for family members, I stopped doing it for the adults. Grandkids under the age of 13 were a different story. I never believed they should be held accountable for the actions of their parents so I always bought a birthday gift, christmas gift, easter basket and cards for various holidays and put grandma and grandpas name on it.
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Churchmouse,
Thanks for the laugh!!!!! Sounds about right though. We are not alone in the insanity :)
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Mom has always given money to my elder siblings and and her grandkids for xmas and birthdays and like everyone else it fell to me to buy and arrange - of course nine of them helped mom get me a card

So now my plan is to find the cheapest cards I can and fill them with mom's currency which since her move to memory care is authentic looking play money 💵
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Oh gosh yes! The polyester satin blouse, two sizes too large, in a dizzying navy and fuchsia print - ! With the 'marked down' price label still attached as a chaser!

My mother used to send Happy Anniversary cards to my ex and his wife. Though to be fair, Wife II was more thoughtful and affectionate towards her than my siblings were.
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