Mom dementia, great days and family problems.

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I have written and asked questions on here before re my Mom. My mom has been diagnosed with vascular dementia. The doctors and psychologist say that she is not competant (sp?) . Among her various ailment are Chronic Kidney Disease, Renal Disease, Afib, Hypertension, Dementia, Vascular Disease COPD and Incontinence. There are times that she has really good days...Is this common? Also two of my siblings do not believe that there is much wrong with her she is just confused. One sibling has been going into the nursing home between 1 and 3 in the morning and planting negative things (quite a few about me) into my moms head. She starts believing these things one of them is that I am going to move my mother in law in the house in place of her...not true!!! She lives in an adult community center why would I do that. Also this past Saturday my sisters daughter signed my mom out and told the NH that she was taking her grandmother shopping and out to lunch. She ended up bringing her to my house (my mom lived with my wife and I) unannounced and did not tell the nursing home. This was also at 1:45 I live 20 minutes from thew nursing home they did not leave my house and get back to the NH until 3:30. On top of that my niece took her grandmother to the bank before they closed and closed her accounts (checking and savings) to the tune of $13,000 !!! Luckily we founf out about it and got the two checks back. my younger sister and I
are POA's for my mom. Once we found out about this we signed a letter at the NH saying no one could take our mom out without our permission and temporarily banned our two sisters and niece from seeing our mom. Eventually the ban will be lifted and I even sent a text to my one sister saying that she could go see mom now as long ass she went with me, She has replied by calling me an a**hole and saying she would not take me up on it as she did not want me sitting there and observing and listening to her every word. This whole thing has just sickened me. I have been diagnosed with high BP avnd my wife has MS. Our house is not safe for my mom and we are not healthy enough (all three of us) for my mom to live there. My three sisters can not take care of her either but two of them want her out and back living with me. 5 years ago she had a stroke, rehabbed and lived with us. 2 years ago she broke her hip rehabbed and came back and lived with us. Dementia and all her other ailments I can not deal with...Any suggestions? Thank you!

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It's so sad when family members stab you in the back like that. I think you've done all you can. You certainly are in no circumstance that can support having your mother live with you. Use the power of your POA to keep your mom safe, and tell the relatives that you will be happy to go with them to visit.Let the nursing home know that they are not allowed to sign your mom out.
About the good days - yes that is "normal." Some days are better than others and there may be astonishing moments of clarity where your mom seems almost like her old self. Enjoy those moments! And good luck with your dysfunctional family.
Carol
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It is tough when siblings betray you. It sounds like your Mom is right where she should be, getting the proper 24/7 care that you and your wife would have difficulty providing, given your health issues.

You are setting necessary boundaries to protect your mother and to give her the best care possible.

One of your statements, however, doesn't make sense to me. How do you know that one of your sisters is actually visiting your mom between 1-3am and planting seeds info her head? Sounds like if your Mom is telling you this, it might be dementia.
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It's sad when siblings cause problems, but know you're not alone. Our dysfunctional family caused problems frequently with my mother-in-law too. Just know that your mother chose you and your sister as POA because she knows you will do the right thing for her. It doesn't matter what your other two sisters want - if you deem that your house is not safe for your mom to come back to live with you - then she doesn't and shouldn't. It's YOUR decision - not theirs. It's frustrating, but keep your head up and know that you're doing a great job. Good luck!!
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I spelled the word a** in my story it was supposed to be as...my apologies!
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I also forgot to add that whenmy niece took my mom out she said she would have her back to the NH by 2pm.
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Preseverance- We were told this past Sunday by a head nurse and the business administrator that they just found out that my sister was being let in between 1am and 4am. I am assuming that with my moms weakend mind that she was planting things in her head. As a matter of fact as I write this I remember being told by the social worker and twice by our elder attorneys law partner that my sister had told both of them that she told my mother that I was bringing my mother in law to our house to live.
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