What do I tell mom with dementia when she asks about the apartment she lives at for last 8 years? She doesn't know why she's there. - AgingCare.com

What do I tell mom with dementia when she asks about the apartment she lives at for last 8 years? She doesn't know why she's there.

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This apartment in "new" because she can't form new memories and recent memories fade. You likely know that, but I thought it worth mentioning.

What do you tell her? That could vary by the day. You may want to say that this one is better for now because there aren't so many steps or is easier to clean or closer to downtown (or whatever you can think of).

The two things to avoid are arguing with her because she is not able to grasp that she's been there 8 years, and adding to her worry by saying "this one is cheaper" or something indicating that there is a financial problem.

I'd just tell her that this one is really nice and easier than her old one and then try to distract her. She won't quit asking no matter what you say, so you'll just have to accept that and give her a brief answer that may have some ring of truth. Then move on to something else - until she asks again.

Take care, my friend. This all takes patience.
Carol
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I had to laugh a little. I caregive for a lady who's lived in the same house for THIRTY years. When I ask her is she knows where she is, I have to remind her, "Honey, you've lived her for 30 years! This is YOUR home." She says, "Oh" with a thoroughly confused look on her face. You can tell she's trying to process it, and it's just not clicking in.

One of the things you'll read a lot about on this forum is the frustration of caregivers at repeated questions/questioning. Just go with the flow, or try the distraction methods. Whatever works to keep her calm and moving onto the next thing. One of my answers is often, "I know!!! Isn't it amazing how time flies when we get older??" I just shake my head a little, like I'm amazed, too .. and move onto the next task or activity. I don't make a big deal about it. I certainly don't argue.
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