Mom w/ dementia convinced herself that the AL I chose is someplace she's staying for a short time. Do I let her believe that?

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My 95 year old Mom's dimentia is getting worse every day, she' s fallen several times and she convinced herself that the assisted living home I chose is someplace she's staying for a short time. I have tried to explain that she is not safe being alone for even a short time but she's not accepting this. She has lived with me and my husband for 12 years. Should I let her believe she'll only be there for a short time for now? She is already really anxious, when should I explain that this is where she will be living? She will be going there in 5 days. Please help!

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What would make her feel better? Why is she asking this question? She's convinced herself it will be short -- does not make her anxious about what comes after that, or does it give her comfort to know it won't be forever? I'd go with whatever she wants the answer to be.

My mom was recently very anxious that she couldn't stay in the NH and would have to be finding a new place. In her case we assured her that she had a contract, she was paying monthly, and there was no need to be concerned about needing to leave.

Play it by ear. Phrase you answers in a way that will be most calming to Mom.
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When my mom moved into assisted living (after living with me for two years-dementia) a few weeks ago she asked me if she was "staying for a month?" I answered, "No, mom, this is your new home and you will be staying and living here." The nurse sitting with us told me later the answer I gave mom was just what I should have said. She said too many times family members will say "let's see how it goes" and "just give it a try." In doing this, in some cases, it makes it harder for the resident to adjust and he/she will complain to the workers about "just wanting to leave." So, be honest with your mom and see how it plays out.

Some of the AL workers also told me it would be a lot harder on me then it would be for my mom......that part was true.....I was upset the first few days knowing I had placed her in AL. It wasn't guilt.....I felt sad.....but my mom has adjusted well and made a couple of friends! I'm very pleased! A heavy weight has been lifted off my chest.......for now, at least, I can relax knowing she's being taken care of, she likes her room, she's getting three meals a day, medications, etc. I have my mom/daughter relationship back....when I visit her (1-2 times a week) it's enjoyable.....Yaah!

Keep your chin up Palmee! Hopefully, your mom will adjust and love her new space.....take care! Give us an update at some point......
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She knows her time on earth is just a short time, so she may be more accurate than you think. Once they get to ALF, most truly enjoy the company of peers and the activities with contemporaries.
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