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By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington. Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services. APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid. We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour. APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment. You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints. Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights. APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.I agree that: A.I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information"). B.APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink. C.APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site. D.If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records. E.This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year. F.You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
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Mostly Independent
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You can’t reason with her so either try to change the subject by asking her about the olden days or like Lea said, just keep repeating in a calm sweet voice that you love her. You can always calmly go into the other room until she cycles off
I will just add that just because hospice prescribes medications for your mom doesn't mean that you have to give them to her. Her pain medication should only be given if she is in pain. However if she is agitated then some Haldol or Lorazepam can be given as directed. Praying for a peaceful transition from this world to the next for your mom.
What medications is your mother receiving, and what are they being given to address? Does your mother have pain? If so, that should be addressed with medication. Does your mother suffer agitation and paranoia? If so, she should receive any medication that may make her more comfortable. Hospice is end of life care for those who are dying, and is intended to bring them comfort from pain, worry and agitation. As to what mother thinks and says in your presence, this is a result of her dementia, and I doubt is something new upon the addition of Hospice care.
My father-in-law stayed with us a few years during his end stage Parkinson’s. A couple times he made those kind of comments to me. The first time I realized he was feeling unsafe about a movement I was trying to get him to do so I changed the approach.
The second time he was seated at the table and I’d given him some food which I guess he was suspicious of. I just got real with him. I chided him gently and said, FIL, that hurts my feelings. Here I am staying up past my bedtime to help you (my husband is a night owl and had him on a later schedule than me)—and that’s what you think? He let it drop.
Sometimes people project their fears about death and decline onto the people around them. You could take it as an opportunity to talk about a subject we often would rather avoid. For example: Mom, I love you so much I wish you could live forever. If you figure out how to do that, let me know!
Or you could ask about the specific situation and see if there’s any comfort measure you could take: Mom, are you hurting? Can I get you a pillow? What can I do for you? As long as she keeps saying such things just keep expressing gentle concern and attentiveness to something specific.
Sometimes, the comments people make when they have dementia or are close to death have more to do with anxiety and/or pain than anything else. It's possible, but I doubt this has anything to do with end of life meds, even though pain relief can make people spaced out. (I used to call my pain drugs - codeine and tramadol - my happy hour cocktail because I felt drunk on them! Back then, I only took the oramorph at night, so I could sleep.) Being spaced out doesn't necessarily make you feel afraid, in fact I felt relaxed on those drugs. (I can see why people get addicted to them. I'm lucky to never have had an issue.)
It is likely that your mum needs a stronger sedative. My mum's sedation was gradually increased, as her agitation increased. At first, she would cry out, "Help me,” but she didn't know why she was saying that, when I asked her in her more lucid moments. It was just an expression of her unease. Then, as she became unable to communicate, she would pick at the blankets, or her hands would wave in the air, like she was trying to reach something. These are common signs of agitation, but not everyone recognises them as such. If your mum is doing the same, please ask the doctor or nurse to increase whatever calming drugs your mum is being given. It will help.
Just continue to tell her that you care about her. If she thinks you are trying to kill her with drugs, she doesn't have to take any of the medications. Hospice provides medications to ease anxiety, pain and discomfort. She doesn't have to take them if she doesn't want to.
When she's in pain, you can offer a pain medication, and let it be her choice. It might make her feel better having some agency and control. If she really needs medication for anxiety and she's refusing it, you can talk with the nurse about something that can be dissolved in her food or drink.
You may not ever alleviate her fears. If she comprehends, you may try telling her she will die anyway, you are just keeping her comfortable. If she is paranoid with family members hovering over her, like they're waiting for her to die, try giving her some space. Go away, leave her alone for a while. See her less frequently. When you do return, gauge how she feels - does she complain that you weren't there? Or did she find it peaceful?
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
Her pain medication should only be given if she is in pain. However if she is agitated then some Haldol or Lorazepam can be given as directed.
Praying for a peaceful transition from this world to the next for your mom.
The second time he was seated at the table and I’d given him some food which I guess he was suspicious of. I just got real with him. I chided him gently and said, FIL, that hurts my feelings. Here I am staying up past my bedtime to help you (my husband is a night owl and had him on a later schedule than me)—and that’s what you think? He let it drop.
Sometimes people project their fears about death and decline onto the people around them. You could take it as an opportunity to talk about a subject we often would rather avoid. For example: Mom, I love you so much I wish you could live forever. If you figure out how to do that, let me know!
Or you could ask about the specific situation and see if there’s any comfort measure you could take: Mom, are you hurting? Can I get you a pillow? What can I do for you? As long as she keeps saying such things just keep expressing gentle concern and attentiveness to something specific.
It's possible, but I doubt this has anything to do with end of life meds, even though pain relief can make people spaced out. (I used to call my pain drugs - codeine and tramadol - my happy hour cocktail because I felt drunk on them! Back then, I only took the oramorph at night, so I could sleep.) Being spaced out doesn't necessarily make you feel afraid, in fact I felt relaxed on those drugs. (I can see why people get addicted to them. I'm lucky to never have had an issue.)
It is likely that your mum needs a stronger sedative. My mum's sedation was gradually increased, as her agitation increased. At first, she would cry out, "Help me,” but she didn't know why she was saying that, when I asked her in her more lucid moments. It was just an expression of her unease.
Then, as she became unable to communicate, she would pick at the blankets, or her hands would wave in the air, like she was trying to reach something. These are common signs of agitation, but not everyone recognises them as such. If your mum is doing the same, please ask the doctor or nurse to increase whatever calming drugs your mum is being given. It will help.
If she thinks you are trying to kill her with drugs, she doesn't have to take any of the medications. Hospice provides medications to ease anxiety, pain and discomfort. She doesn't have to take them if she doesn't want to.
When she's in pain, you can offer a pain medication, and let it be her choice. It might make her feel better having some agency and control. If she really needs medication for anxiety and she's refusing it, you can talk with the nurse about something that can be dissolved in her food or drink.
You may not ever alleviate her fears. If she comprehends, you may try telling her she will die anyway, you are just keeping her comfortable. If she is paranoid with family members hovering over her, like they're waiting for her to die, try giving her some space. Go away, leave her alone for a while. See her less frequently. When you do return, gauge how she feels - does she complain that you weren't there? Or did she find it peaceful?