I'm taking care of mum (93) with dementia, she keeps asking to be fed the whole day. I walk away, is this okay?

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I am drained, at times, i go away fr the demands. is it ok to leave her by herself to talk, her eyesight is poor and she hallucinates, like talking to people non existence. I work, and when on weekends drives me crazy with her continuous demands the whole day. I have some part-time while i work, i just wanna do the basics like feed her 3 times per day change her diapers and just be living my own life then. is this ok?

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Frustrating, isn't it? My mother went through a stage where she wanted to eat all the time. She had three normal meals a day, however I often found her in the kitchen preparing a sandwich, insisting she hadn't eaten all day.

Previously I would leave Mom in the care of a "companion" in order to go out in the evening once in a while. (Her behavior became too unpredictable to continue doing this and the fees too expensive.) Don't know what got her started on this but she would constantly go to the kitchen and get cookies after I left. Not a good thing to eat so close to bedtime in terms of digestion, especially sugar which is a stimulant.

Constant eating is hazardous to our health. The body needs pauses in between feedings in order to digest properly. Otherwise there's an accumulation of undigested food which weakens the body and leads to disease.

Mom wasn't sleeping enough. She was more agitated than usual. She'd always been tiny but gained weight, mostly around her abdomen. We had to get her new clothes. But finally, through trial and error, I figured out how to deal with the nervous eating.
1 -- A note was posted on the fridge listing times at which meals would be served.
2 -- In an effort to break the habit of constantly eating, I don’t prepare snacks for her any more. We usually have a cup of hot tea between meals and that satisfies her.
3 -- She can get her own snacks but we no longer have cookies in the house. She has ready access to Craisins and raw nuts.
4 -- Making sandwiches became inconvenient. The bread is kept in the freezer. (Waxed paper between the slices keeps it from sticking together.) We no longer have pre-sliced lunch meats on hand and the peanut butter was hidden on the top shelf in the pantry.

It worked. Meanwhile she became more sedentary and the weight has stuck. Certainly I’m in no position to judge someone for being overweight. But in her case, the 10 extra pounds makes it harder for her to get to her feet from a seated position. We walk together as much as she’ll tolerate and the size of her meals has been reduced as far as I’m willing to go. She’s 95, has dementia and would not really understand “going on a diet.”

Meanwhile she gets rave reviews from her doctor, still has her own teeth except for two and gets around on her own. So I would say we weathered the eating crisis well and hope you manage to do so too. Blessings all around.
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Apple, if she want to eat...feed her. My mom also likes to eat. Instead of 3 meals, I turned it into several meals and snacks through the day...

And what AA7 said, it might be time to look for a NH. People like your mom will need 24/7 care, sooner or later. If you don't want your entire existence consumed with care giving...and it will be...start looking around now for help... There's no such thing as 'living your own life' after awhile, it just isn't possible, especially when the elderly person really starts to decline, and your mom sounds like she's at that point... She is going to need around the clock care, if not you, then it needs to be in a facility... No, there's nothing at all wrong with wanting to live your life, like normal people do... Unfortunately, with care giving that literally becomes literally impossible sooner or later...
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So, here I am....the newly wise one.....My dad broke his hip and moved in with me 4 years ago. We did fine; I was working, loving my job; he had attendants through medicaid, and we were clicking along. Then, three weeks ago he fell...again. This time he has a compression fracture of his spine. He is 91 and very arthritic so some of the new orthopedic techniques are out of the question.
The last weeks have been a nightmare. The pain pills work but then he sleeps. The seroquel for sleep doesn't work yet. We are constantly regrouping. My back is a mess from trying to keep him comfortable and I had to retire.
My husband and I took a break at the beach. I feel like I am finally getting a perspective...3rd day.
I had put him on the waiting list at the V A, but now I know we can't wait but so long. SO many sleepless nights. We are worn out. I truly feel like I have been through a war.
I think we all thought we did not want to put "Mama and Daddy" in a nursing home, but we have to take care of ourselves, too. I didn't know how exhausted I was until I got away for a few days. I'm still catching my breath. I think we have to think a little more logically and less emotionally. We have all done our best and, mostly, with little help from family members who don't get it. Rebuild your life. I walked on the beach for 2 miles yesterday. I used to run 5. It is time for us all to remember that we cannot loose ourselves. Peace.
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No it is not ok to leave her alone if she hallicuinates, sounds to me like she needs a nursing home and as hard as this is, when we take on this roll, our lives become nonexistent, I finally got my mom into a nursing home as i am more than burned out, now just waiting for medicaid to be approved, will keep you in my prayers
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Have you thought about a NH? She sounds like she needs 24 hr care.. Good luck, I know it gets frustrating.
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Drained, you sure bet you, I know how you feel. If it weren't for this site and the absolutely wonderful people whom do help me I would be a gonner. Well it sounds like you truly need help. Thank God she eats, that is positive. I think she needs to go into nursing care, she will destroy you. I do not want my posts to be all about "get them into care" rather I just want you to know that I did everything I could and it was not good enough. I am sick at heart, but I can breathe now that she is out of here. She made me sick, she made my cat sick, she was just awful, manipulative still in her dementia, calling me everything she could under the sun, awful lies, awful names. Well, now it is time for the professionals to come in, I have no clue how I will pay her enormous bill, but, she can not be with me anymore. She wanders and rants, I am sorry but it is time to rebuild my life.
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Thank you very much to all of you who have experienced and going through burnout, taking care of our age old parents. i will be seeking more help, she is not mobile, chair bound, that makes it a bit easy to look after but her mind is active all day long and she calls out all day. Thanks for your prayers too, belonging to a community of caregivers is a good encouragement, love & hugs to all of you
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Without knowing your situation and lifestyle, and probaly hard for anyone to give advice without knowing details to do that...Nursing homes seem to be the easy button answer. Sorry I view nursing home as last resort. Take in mind my mom is 100% disabled and bedbound, transfer with a hoyer lift and incontinent. Her mind is flaky at times but depends on someone 24/7. I have a son that lives at home who helps and I have a aide 7 days a week 3 hours a day, I work and her SSI goes completely to the home health aide. She has been in a nursing home twice. We have made the choice between my son and I we want to take care of her as long as we can. Step back at look at the issue that is what is hard to do. So she wants to eat all the time? Is it life threatening? There is not a easy answer, My mom has become my child, I love her and accept that fact that I am fortunate to have her for as long as I have. FYI-she has been with me in my home seven years now.
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It might be helpful to play some soothing & calming classical music or what ever kind she used to listen to when she was younger. Or maybe put on a "talk" radio show for her. I think music is a good thing for all of us. Wishing you peace.
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My mother was eating all day also,She has her own food supply in her room now.Crackers some apples ,and snacks like that.She was stinking her fingers in the peanut butter that I use and other just really unsanitary things.I stopped catering to her when I knew she had enough to eat.I have found that people with dementia don't remember they just ate,even 15 minutes ago.There needs to be some limits or my mom makes herself sick....no fun.I agree!!
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