Mom, late 90's, dementia and Parkinson's. Her incontinence in getting worse. Husband, 69, has severe epilepsy and can't cope with it.

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Mom, late 90's, dementia and Parkinson's. Her incontinence in getting worse. Husband, 69, has severe epilepsy and can't cope with it.

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Anyone caring for two family members at home? My Mom, who I have taken care of for 9 yrs. now, needs changing 3-4 times a day and now doesn't know when she is wet. Our used sofa has had several 'accident's from her in a week. I know she feels bad about it, so I try not to act like I'm upset. I was in the other room tonight and came back and found her chewing on my computer power cord! I am waiting till her house sells to put her in a group home, though Dad made me promise years ago, before he passed, not to put her in a 'home.' Husband on medication for almost two decades of severe epilepsy. He also has agoraphobia, depression and panic attacks, but has to supplement with alternative self medication to cope. He also falls when he has had too much and wants my help to get him up, which takes one to two hours every time. Anyone have similar experiences?

Alzheimer's & Dementia Care Decisions Family Caregiver

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Hi Cwillie, thank you for responding. Mom wears adustable briefs and we have paper and fabric mats. Yes, some kind of schedule to take her to the toilet and changing her would be good. I haven't heard of nature's miracle. Where do you get it? I use febreeze and place the pad on top until it dries.

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I am going to plug the peapodmats again. Luz would have accidentson furniture and those paper pads wer just not doing the job. They would wrinkle and move causing wet furniture.
I got the peapod mats and that helped a lot. they are thicker and washable. Expensive to buy but it is only a one time expense, other than washing them.
Check them out at peapodmats.com

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Hi, thank you for responding. I bought washable mats some years ago. The thing is as soon as I leave the room to make dinner, Mom tries to take them off the furniture! I switched to the paper mats and she is less inclined to remove them.

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Ebees, I think it isn't likely you'll find many people sharing the kind of burden you've been coping with for so long. The gallows humorist in me wants to point out that this may be because they've all died of overwork and there's only you still standing.

CW makes the practical suggestions, which will also avoid both your mother's being anxious/humiliated and your bursting a blood vessel pretending not to mind. Pull ups are much more comfortable than they used to be; and the high absorbency mats look like normal upholstery and are fully washable.

I am glad you have found a way round that misguided promise to your father, and hope there is light at the end of the tunnel for you there.

Now then. Who is in charge of your husband's care? - him or you? It sounds as if it's him, but I just wondered if you have tried or would feel able to exert any influence on it.

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Hi Countrymouse, I agree with your sense of humor. Lol. Thanks for that. I did meet an elderly lady in a support group, a few years ago, who said she took care of two family members until they passed. She likely lived in the city and probably had access to more services than us who live in a rural area. After all this time, my Mom's decline and my aging, it has just gotten too much for me to handle. As far as my husband, we have tried it his way and it is not working. Therefore, I finally took action, with my counselor's urging and contacted referred mental health counselors. I am getting responses from them and am getting closer to finding a place closer to us to hopefully come out and talk with him soon. He really needs it.

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Get her into an incontinence pull up and buy some pads for the furniture, you also need to be taking her to the toilet and changing her on a schedule. As for the sofa, try treating it with nature's miracle and a wet/dry vacuum.

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Mom, late 90's, dementia and Parkinson's. Her incontinence in getting worse. Husband, 69, has severe epilepsy and can't cope with it.

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