How do I get mom with dementia to allow me pay her bills? - AgingCare.com

How do I get mom with dementia to allow me pay her bills?

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my mom has the early stages of dementia and i keep trying to tell her that i have to get into her bank account to pay her bills,but she won't allow me to how do i get around paying her bills

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Well, sometimes you have to let Humpty Dumpty crumble before you can put him back together again. My mom was so dug in that she did not need help, that things went to collections. She had insurance lapse. Turns out that loud angry insistence was a cover up. Anger scares people away quite effectively, so she used it to shoo anyone away from helping her with her personal business. She was scared and proud. She knew it was all going to h_ll but her pride kept her from letting anybody anywhere help her. Her preferred approach: ignore it.

By the time I was able to get her to sign DPOA, she was in deep doo-doo. It was still salvageable. We went to the bank together, and the lady who assisted us just put me as a joint account holder. She did it while mom was regailing us all with some story about how hard her life had been, blah blah blah blah. Mom wasn't asked, it was just done. Then end. Then I got my own card with my name on it for the account that I use to pay her bills, buy groceries (when she still needed that). Thank you lady at the bank! Sometimes you get lucky and good sense will prevail.

If her doctor won't work with you, find a new one. Take her in for a neuro-psych eval that includes Occupational Therapy Assessment. That one test there is what clinched my mom's assessment. She got such a low score on the activities of daily living, that included paying a bill from a checkbook, totalling to get your new balance, sorting your meds out, answering questions about how & when to take them, etc. That right there, plus a recent CAT scan told the tale.

Nobody wants to be labelled incompetent. The good doctors, PTs, and OTs out there won't ever use that word while dealing with your elder. They are supposed to be savvy enough to have people skills, so they can get their job done without combat. If you're not getting that kind of service, switch who you are seeing.
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I have similar situation. I was told if you can document that your mom does has cognitive impairment (poor executive functioning/ judgement, memory recall, basic math skills, etc.) through formal testing, then doctors could provide a letter with their opinion about her inability to manage finances,. You can present this doctor's letter and financial POA to bank and other institutions to gain access and control over accounts. Hope this helps!
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I've had same issue; and my mom hasn't relinquished control to me. She was hospitalized recently, so I had access to her mail and bank statements plus her info so I set up the checking on-line so I could monitor and remotely pay bills on line. This worked for about a month while I had her mail forwarded to my address so i could deposit all the checks, set up auto pay for insurance, etc. -- but then she got lucid again and fought me to have her mail back and said she wants to take care of her own bills.

She is doing that now; however, I left the health insurance on autopay and a few of the important bills that shouldn't ever lapse. The small stuff she goes ahead and pays with a check and sends it in. I monitor remotely on line (which she doesn't understand or question). We are watching to see what does and doesn't get paid and then gently reminding her "what did your electric bill run this month?", etc.

Best we can do. I have visited with each bank with her (she took me in and introduced me to bank mgr), etc. but she only signed a POD; nothing else and refuses to put me or anyone on joint acct.

I've stopped fighting her and will have to deal with whatever when time comes. At least by having mail forwarded for a month; I was able to get statements and now know most of what is going on and where there are accounts should I need. It isn't everything but its a start.

I have DPOA financial and medical - but its a screwy one where I can't invoke unless 2 docs declare her incompetent. Dementia and ALZ early to mid stage evidently doesn't count.
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