My mother is always critical of how I clean. Can't she just be grateful?

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The towels aren't stacked right. The toilet isn't clean enough. You left the basement lite on. Don't hang my robe there. Hang it at the other end. Can't she just be grateful I drive the 80 miles to clean without being so fussy? It is so frustrating. If I say something, she says I'm too sensitive.

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I think it is irritating enough to have to clean up the place and after her, let alone now having to do it her way. It needs to get done and we all need to do things the way that is best and quickest for us. If someone is cleaning up my mess, I'd hope I'd just be grateful they are and leave well enough alone.
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It might irritate you less if YOU always ask her exactly how she wants things done. It is real annoying, I know. Try to be grateful she isn't hitting you - that happens to some of us!
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You probably can't get it all done her way in the amount of time you have available. Is she immobile? Can she fold? Let her do whatever she is capable of doing. Don't do what she can. Let her swish the toilet. Or can she just supervise?
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I know what you mean. Father was like that too. Still is. He likes to fold the blankets a certain way. If I'm too tired, I do it haphazardly. And he criticizes. The same with how I do his pampers. I still do it MY way. I already told him that if he doesn't like how I change his pampers, he has a good working right hand - he can do it himself! Since he insists I do it, then I will do it MY way. However, if I'm not tired, he watches me fold the blankets. He says that I'm a perfectionist. Even he doesn't go that far with the blankets. I would struggle with the blanket until all sides are equally folded, over and over. And yes, it drives me crazy that sis' folding of the blanket is soooo messy! It's not folded evenly but sloppily. I have to re-do it when I change father's bedding. He just lays there and watches me spend 5 minutes trying to get it folded right. So, I can see both sides....Just choose your battles, I guess.
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I work in home healthcare as a nurse and my experience is that everyone has their own way of doing things. It's the right way and any other way throws many people into a tizzy.

Bless you for driving the distance you do to take care of her needs. My advice is just do it her way. Because I work in home healthcare I've often thought of what kind of patient I'd be if I needed outside help to help me maintain my home and health. For example, I like vacuum tracks. I like the room to look like I just vacuumed it so I vacuum myself out of every room I vacuum. Now, what kind of lunatic would I sound like if I instructed someone on the way I vacuum! But that's how I like it.

I also have a thing about sponges. The way I do things, if I have to mop up something with a sponge I always, ALWAYS, rinse the sponge out when I'm done. I've seen my daughter wipe the counter with the sponge and then just PUT IT BACK!!! Oh, hell no!

When I clean my shower doors I spray the scrubbing bubbles stuff on and then wipe the hard water stains down with a sponge (a BATHROOM sponge) and only then do I take a paper towel, folded over, and dry the doors. The towel has to be folded over because it gets damp so quick and I have to turn it over to use the other side.

In our own homes we all do things our own way. I think it's probably very difficult to know that you need someone to come in and do what you've been doing for years and years. If your mom wants her robe hung on THAT side of the door instead of the OTHER side of the door, do it her way. Maybe she'll get off your back.
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Get her a cleaning service
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I hear ya loud and clear. I live with Mom, so I just say...yes mom, yes Mom......and then come up here to my computer and complain here. I know the problem is not going away, but letting off the steam here helps. Accept the things you can not change.......and keep smiling. The day will come when you would give anything to hear her criticize you, one more time.
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