What do I do if my Mom continues to make up excuses about fixing the plumbing in her house? - AgingCare.com

What do I do if my Mom continues to make up excuses about fixing the plumbing in her house?

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It has been 8 months since this happened. My Mother has tried to ask other programs to help her in the town that we live in, they either refused to help her, or said their was no funding in our town. She is a senior citizen, but no help for seniors if you own your own home. This is a crappy small town to live in. But she says she can't move to another town. She will be 61 yrs. old in a week. My Mother is on a limited income and so am I.

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I'm 65 by the way.
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The drain pipe under one of the double sinks in the kitchen comes off periodically and the dish water goes down into the crawl space under the house. I have a hip replacement and a bad back but I get down and hitch it up again (saying some very unladylike things!). I'll have a plumber replace it when I can afford it. In the meantime I'm using the other sink to do dishes.

Need to paint the mud room ceiling today but it's stormy and my big dog is glued to my leg so I'll get the first coat on with a brush rather than roller & paint tray. I do the best I can with what I have. Youtube is wonderful for how to do stuff yourself.
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Rosalia - Being in your 40's & 60's is still young and even with whatever disabilities there are things both of you can do to increase your income. you have to make the decision to get out there an do things to better yourself. If you really do refer to where you live as "crappy", you probably are sending out a signal that is negative and why should anyone want to take the time to help an ingrate?

Now you are getting some income - probably SSDI and maybe some TANF- and probably also getting SNAP - there is income, if you cannot do without some things to be able to save enough for a plumber, then you should not be homeowners.

So is mom current on all her property taxes, insurance, utilities? Does she do whatever maintenance on the property that is needed? Would she be viewed as a "good neighbor"? If the answers to any of this is no, then she should not be a property owner. Put the house on the market, listen to the Realtor as to what is realistic to sell it for and then sell it for close to that price and then go onto the list for subsidized housing in your area. You & her could possibly get a unit so that you can share the household and help each other out rather than depending on social services.
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I agree with Flyer. I too am fed up with the "I want a handout!" attitude, whether it's from people who produce too many children and expect state support, from people who expected an unskilled or semi-skilled job to last a lifetime and feel no obligation to update their skills (and expect unemployment to approximate net pay when working), or from someone who wants an education but doesn't want to work for it.
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You may have more resources than you realize. Beyond a single town are county, state, and federal resources. I would suggest taking the quiz at www.benefits.gov to see what you/Mom may qualify for. Be aware that it's likely any government agency may consider 65 the 'official' senior citizen age.

Beyond a single small town are legal resources. If your mom has dementia, your family has some decisions to make (like advance directives, durable power of attorney or guardianship, final arrangements). Having counsel from an elder law attorney would be invaluable (some may offer free consults). Every state has resources for seniors and the disabled that can also be valuable resources. For various reasons, Mom's perception of lack of assistance and being able to sell the house or move may not be fact.

You know that every house requires continued maintenance; you know it will get worse the longer it's left untreated. A months-long untreated plumbing problem by now could've created *more* problems like damaged (weakened) floors or one or more types of mold. It's one reason many people in *good* health prefer to rent!
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JessieBelle, I don't think it was a shark attack, more like a reality check. I know I am tired of the younger generation thinking they can stand in front of the local/State/Federal government's door and the government will take care of all their needs.

My Dad is 92 year old, a mega senior citizen, who owns his own home.... Dad can barely walk around, has hearth issues, can barely see out of one eye... yet he is able to fix things around the house when I bring him the parts from the hardware store. If the job is too big, he budgets for it, and calls in a professional.
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My goodness, I have never seen such an unprovoked shark attack. Many people have talked about financial assistance.

Rosalia, what is wrong with the plumbing? Many things can be fixed for little money. Other things are more major. If you can tell us what the problem is, someone may have some DIY advice or some idea how you can approach getting things fixed.
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So Rosalia in your profile you say your mom has Alzheimers/dementia. How far along is she in the progress of that illness? If she does have dementia, she's not going to be able to reason, so getting her to do something logical may be beyond her capabilities. I agree with others, it's only going to get worse over time, so it's probably time to consider selling the home and moving to an apartment. You might qualify for Section 8, which would help with the rent. And you've never said what kind of plumbing issue your mom is having. Do you live with her?
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If mom is 61, you are likely 40ish. If at these fairly young ages you cannot afford or undertake home repairs, you do need to think of a rental or condo. Houses get older and need more repairs, and neither of you will become more able.

No body owes you the help, but a kind neighbor or church member may be willing to lend a hand, or the organizations GA suggested. Are you new to this "crappy" little town, or do you have equity in relationships in this community?

Also, plumbing can range from simple (snake a toilet or plug a leak) to specialized labor such as clean a septic tank.

Your tone sounds frustrated, I wish you well.
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Rosalia, if you can't afford to maintain your house, it is time to sell, no more excuses. There shouldn't be any reason why your Mom can't sell.

Is the house totally paid for, if not, how is your Mother paying the mortgage payments? The property taxes? The house insurance?

Are you telling us your brother never comes to visit your mother? And just because he was born male he's the only one that should fix the plumbing?
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