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Why is my mother constantly getting onto to me? She is living with my husband and I because she has bad vision & hearing. I am 53 years old and the oldest sibling. My mother gets mad at me when I do not take her advice. She also gets mad at me at the way I drive. I am a very careful driver, but she drives much faster than me. I talk to her in a very calm manner and I just say, "OK, thanks" when she gives advice. Sometimes I take her advice, but sometimes I do not. Help!

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If it's a money thing - the reason she is with you, you may all be stuck together especially if she cannot afford assisted living. I would suggest counseling for the entire family that lives under this roof. If an authority figure tells her to get off your back, it will go over better than you telling her. Maybe she will listen. I agree with Ashlynne, set boundaries first, then if that doesn't work, try the counseling. If all else fails, then how about she live in government assisted housing depending on her income. Sounds like she's pretty independent. Retirement housing can be expensive, but there is always low cost senior living. If she's still driving, then she should be independent enough for this kind of housing. A friend of mine lives in senior (subsidized housing and they even have a grocery trip weekly on their bus. Check with the county in which you live and get rid of this problem if she won't treat you nicely. There may come a time in the future that she has to live with you, but it sounds like the time is later, not now. As long as she can walk or navigate and prepare her own meals, she should be eligible if she has low income.
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She absolutely should NOT be driving if her vision and hearing are bad. If she is on your back all the time, take her on tours of Assisted Living centers and ask her when she wants to move there. Sometimes they offer a month at half price. Tell her it's like going on a cruise, the boat just never leaves the dock. Get her in there and go on vacation with hubby, visit the Outer Banks, NC.
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Why does she get on your back? Same reason a dog licks his privates - because he can and she'll continue to do it (and it will get waaay worse) if you allow it. Boundaries all the way, even if you have to turn the car around and take her back home when she starts up. It won't be easy and may take a while but she'll soon learn.
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I think you've moved back into the little kid zone with her living with you. She's the boss. Guess you're gonna have to set her straight on that. Your house, your rules, just like it was when you were dependent on her. Then it was your parent's rules that you had to abide by. At least it was like that when I was growing up.
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