I feel like a horrible son. I'm in my mid twenties and I'm caring for a seventy seven year old woman who is my Mother. I'm adopted. I lost my father when I was sixteen, and I had to walk him slowly to his grave while battling cancer. Fast forward to now, and my mother has been living with me in my home for a year now. In comparison to her health last year up to this point, it's two entirely different people and she's declined rather quickly. I take her to the doctors, hospital, specialist weekly. Constantly on the computer researching new diagnosis', reaching out to friends who work in the medical field for advice on how to help treatment. My mother is the type of person who does not feel that her condition, health, or doctors are an actual established thing. Instead, it's all an overreaction. She's a type 2 diabetic currently in stage 3 kidney failure, severe nerve damage to the legs due to diabetic complications, extreme vision deterioration due to mismanaged diabetes. When she first moved in her blood levels were anywhere from 300-550 consistently and had an A1C of 7.9, currently it's 6.2. I have taken over all insulin injections, blood sugar testing, medication schedule, limited diet with a closely monitored carbohydrate intake. According to the nephrologist, we've managed to stop any further decline of her kidney function. Now she is getting to a point where her mobility is rapidly decreasing. From the moment I get out of bed I check on her, help her to the bathroom, get her changed into fresh clothes, get her water to drink, food to eat. I didn't envision feeling as though I am 50 years old while being in my 20's. I wouldn't give it much thought if it wasn't a constant battle to make her understand that her health problems are in fact a real thing, and have to be addressed. I managed to obtain an exercise stationary bike which I have set up in her second room. She will do anything not to get on it, and tells me exercise won't help her with her mobility, how do I know this is good for her bones? Did the doctor okay this? Sleeping in bed for 12 hours, and sitting in a recliner for 9 hours can't contribute to her increased weakness and muscle loss. I try to do my very best, have extended myself so much to where I've completely drained all of my savings and stock investments, all to constantly be made to feel as though I am only hurting her, and the best way to make her better, is to allow her to continue on in the same patterns she has done for all of her life. I hear people in the hospital, doctors office, out in public constantly praise me on how wonderful I am, and how lucky she is to have me...and to be blatantly honest, it feels as though those things aren't true, because if what I was doing was in fact admirable, why does my own mom try to constantly convince me that her condition is entirely my fault, and fight me every step of the way when trying to help her? There are days when I say I have to go to the bathroom just so I can have a few safe minutes to sob for a little while. I don't know how much longer I can keep going, but I won't give up on her.