Move! Disconnect your phone! Leave NO forwarding address. Change your name. Hide!!!!!!! Dig a bomb shelter and get the hell in it and lock the door. Hells-a-comin!
Coco: You need to get on the phone and tell them emphatically "NO, you are not coming to my house!" I had a lot more that I wanted to add to that, but I was afraid my post would be removed from the site!!!!!
Coco, your family sounds like nothing but freeloaders. They have successfully bankrupted Mom and themselves so they are like termites moving on to the next meal to devour and destroy! God as my witness Coco I would get on that phone and get Mom on it an tell her that if they show up at your house, you will have Sheriff's standing by to have them removed! I would not give a ____ what Mom has to say about bringing in your 59 year old brother and his brood, IT WOULD BE LOUD AND CLEAR THAT THEY ARE NOT WELCOME!
I have seen and heard about this far too many times in past years and this is where I would DRAW THE LINE! You already work you rear off every single day just to live, do you really want them to move in and eat your food, run up bills and wind up costing you your home, and your sanity?
If your Mom and bother are so poor then they can apply for and obtain welfare or some type of assistance right where they are since they already have residence there. If they come to your state then they probably cannot get anything for a period of time until they establish residency.
Stand your ground Coco and get rough if you have to and you are going to have to mean it. Call the Sheriff or police and ask what can be done to get them out if they pile in, but honestly I would not let it get that far, I WOULD MAKE IT LOUD AND CLEAR THAT BROKE MAMA AND BROTHER CAN SEEK ANOTHER PLACE BECAUSE YOUR HOME IS NOT THEIR WELFARE STATE!
I apologize if my bluntness on this matter is hurtful to you but I do not want to see this happen to you! It just kills me how some people feel that you just have to open your home to everyone so they can basically pull you down to their level. DON'T DO IT, DON'T DO IT, DON'T DO IT!
cococneedshelp .. DON"T DO IT !!! Seriously, you are an adult and you have to put your foot down and say NO !! Get a restraining order if you have to, don't even let them in your house for a visit because they will never leave. You have helped them enough. Truly.
Sounds dysfunctional. I believe in family and I would support any family ember that needed it, to the best of my abi,it's, but the way they are coming about it leaves much to be desired. This is an obviously toxic situation. Do not allow them to move in....they will never leave. If you are willing to help hem find a place, a job, etc., say so. If you are willing to give them $ say the amount and for how long. Mom needs to live off her SS and bro needs to work.
Just say no. Your mother saying it's your turn to take care of her and your brother sounds like a bad joke to me. Your mother probably gets SS, so can take care of herself. Your brother needs to get his own life. It isn't your fault that the two dug such a hole for themselves. It sounds like they want to pull you into the hole and ruin your life. Just say no. They can't move in if you don't let them. Don't let the bullying work. It can be hard to say no and make them understand, but it would be harder to get them out once they get their hooks into your house. In fact, legally you can't get them out without going through eviction proceedings. Don't let them get a foot in the door or your life and house are probably gone.
In situations like this the potential "savior" has likely been trained their whole life to feel responsible for things they are not responsible for and to feel that only by meeting these other people's needs will they stay in good standing within their family or have any chance of love from that family. Guess how I know. This is powerful powerful stuff and it isn't so easy to just shake off even if your brain knows you are being used. The heart has a hard time accepting the painful reality.
Coco, if any of that resonates with you please consider getting into therapy so you have some more support for YOU in this situation and keep posting here so we can support you too. You do not owe any of these people shelter, grocery money, or restoring their debts. If you feel that you truly do want to help, as was suggested above make what you offer very specific, time-limited, and not open-ended.
Coco. Do not do it. Your mom can qualify for something. As an elderly, there are LOTS of programs she can fit in - Medicaid, Medicare..they even have "apartments" for the elderly under the gov't program.
As for your brother, He Is NOT your Responsibility. He will Never Ever grow up with you and mom there for him 100%. Your mom should have given him the Tough Love years ago. You are NOT his responsibility.
I guaranty you right now. If they move in, your house will deteriorate fast. Your Money will beTHEIR money. And you might end up losing your house, etc...
I never understood why people here on AC kept saying go to therapy. I have resisted it for years. I knew I needed it as a teen, but refused to go. Only this month I'm finally seeing one. OMGoodness! In the 3 visits I've had, I learned a lot. Trust me, when you go to therapy, they will help you see how people can "walk all over us." I'm learning to appreciate ME so that I can tell my family No More!
Tell your mom, NO. But that you will help her find a place to live on her own. Your brother has kids...well...then he needs to learn to grow up. And worse case scenarion, they too can apply for govt housing subsidies and food stamps!
My mother just told me she was filing chapter in bankruptcy for all the debt she has taken on. So how will I expect them to move some place without any credit? OMG she will be able to keep her house and small mortgage thanks to my brother who will take up one-half of her ss check. Maybe they should just stay there, and she can live without my brother and deal with the issues, but the thing is she doesn't want him there with all the pets. However, at least she would do better with the bankruptcy of having more money. Don't know if it were enough for her to live on he could help her with expenses with his pt job. Right I feel they want to come to be closer to his kids and want me to provide everything. My brother wants his own place he says, but he won't be able to afford anything on 400 a week. The security deposit dog deposits will be off the charts. They are not even thinking, or rather they don't care... So if my mom does passes she already told me anything she had left she was giving to my poor brother cause, he is the one that helps here and her granddaughter his daughter. So why am I even in this game. My inherence with her I always knew would be nothing anything of my fathers I want she always says your brother or niece wants that so I will just keep the pictures I have and continue to place fresh flowers once a month and keep the plants at his grave stone. As I do now. I will continue to honor my wonderful memory of my father and all the time we spent. I miss him but will never have that loving relationship with my mother. She has always wiped my brother's backside to even today. Your right I am sick of it and there is no rhyme or reason it is just how she is and sure as heck won't change even if she is here with me.
Coco, your family sounds like nothing but freeloaders. They have successfully bankrupted Mom and themselves so they are like termites moving on to the next meal to devour and destroy! God as my witness Coco I would get on that phone and get Mom on it an tell her that if they show up at your house, you will have Sheriff's standing by to have them removed! I would not give a ____ what Mom has to say about bringing in your 59 year old brother and his brood, IT WOULD BE LOUD AND CLEAR THAT THEY ARE NOT WELCOME!
I have seen and heard about this far too many times in past years and this is where I would DRAW THE LINE! You already work you rear off every single day just to live, do you really want them to move in and eat your food, run up bills and wind up costing you your home, and your sanity?
If your Mom and bother are so poor then they can apply for and obtain welfare or some type of assistance right where they are since they already have residence there. If they come to your state then they probably cannot get anything for a period of time until they establish residency.
Stand your ground Coco and get rough if you have to and you are going to have to mean it. Call the Sheriff or police and ask what can be done to get them out if they pile in, but honestly I would not let it get that far, I WOULD MAKE IT LOUD AND CLEAR THAT BROKE MAMA AND BROTHER CAN SEEK ANOTHER PLACE BECAUSE YOUR HOME IS NOT THEIR WELFARE STATE!
I apologize if my bluntness on this matter is hurtful to you but I do not want to see this happen to you! It just kills me how some people feel that you just have to open your home to everyone so they can basically pull you down to their level. DON'T DO IT, DON'T DO IT, DON'T DO IT!
I believe in family and I would support any family ember that needed it, to the best of my abi,it's, but the way they are coming about it leaves much to be desired. This is an obviously toxic situation. Do not allow them to move in....they will never leave. If you are willing to help hem find a place, a job, etc., say so. If you are willing to give them $ say the amount and for how long.
Mom needs to live off her SS and bro needs to work.
Coco, if any of that resonates with you please consider getting into therapy so you have some more support for YOU in this situation and keep posting here so we can support you too. You do not owe any of these people shelter, grocery money, or restoring their debts. If you feel that you truly do want to help, as was suggested above make what you offer very specific, time-limited, and not open-ended.
As for your brother, He Is NOT your Responsibility. He will Never Ever grow up with you and mom there for him 100%. Your mom should have given him the Tough Love years ago. You are NOT his responsibility.
I guaranty you right now. If they move in, your house will deteriorate fast. Your Money will beTHEIR money. And you might end up losing your house, etc...
I never understood why people here on AC kept saying go to therapy. I have resisted it for years. I knew I needed it as a teen, but refused to go. Only this month I'm finally seeing one. OMGoodness! In the 3 visits I've had, I learned a lot. Trust me, when you go to therapy, they will help you see how people can "walk all over us." I'm learning to appreciate ME so that I can tell my family No More!
Tell your mom, NO. But that you will help her find a place to live on her own. Your brother has kids...well...then he needs to learn to grow up. And worse case scenarion, they too can apply for govt housing subsidies and food stamps!
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