Mom is currently visiting me in my city and agreed to look at assisted living communities. That agreement changes every 20 minutes because she is determined to live independently 400 miles away. I'm the only child/relative left. Mom is 90 with vascular dementia that is progressing...and neighbor caregiver who checked in on her says he can no longer provide assistance. "It's time." I have an appointment with an elder law attorney in three days. Am I the client because I need advice on my POA for Mom....or is she? I'm thinking I am. She has trust and wills and POA all set. I'm the one who needs legal advice. We have visited 2 lovely and new assisted living facilities...tours, lunch...great places and we had fun joining some other residents for lunch. Of course I have tried to include Mom (for over a year and a half) in ideas/plans to move to my city and be part of a senior community. Her cognitive ability, of course, has deteriorated to the point where agrees one minute and then insists she will never live her home a few minutes later. This is an excellent example of how impossible it is to reason with an elder who is living with dementia. What I get from her is...I can take care of myself...go live your life...forget about me...I'll be dead soon anyway....you don't want to come to Chicago to live...well, I don't want to live here....leave me alone and forget about me. .... etc., etc., etc. I do have POA that includes the recommendation of only one physician for me to take over decisions...and I have a copy of her neuropsych evaluation with the diagnosis and recommendation that she cannot make her own decisions with care. So...am I the client for the elder law attorney.....and if anyone has suggestions for how to proceed from here, I'm all ears....and believe me, I've even thought of getting her committed while I get her furniture and things relocated...the abduction scenario. She is grieving and full of fear and anger. My heart breaks for her.