Mom is 74 years old beginning stages of Alzheimer’s- my sister has even took over have moms social security check put in a bank where she lives- granted Mom did say ok to this - but
I was POA for both my father & cousin at the same time, both lived in two different states hundreds of miles from me. I handled everything via phone or on-line.
A POA doesn't have to sitting on ones lap to do a good job. Many times my cousin was hospitalized, I did go there several times, but mostly handled it via phone.
Support your sister, you are local so you can do the leg work, think "Team"!
I was POA for my brother and he lived clear at the other end of my long, long state (California). He was a Socal boy and I a northern cali girl.
I was Trustee of Trust for him. I managed his Trust account which took in his SS from a bank that had and still has banks all over our state. So no problem given that the branch manager in HIS town communicated well with the branch manager in MINE, and I had a "personal banker" assigned due to the size of his CDs with the bank.
I signed all his checks as either Trustee or at POA, according to what type of check it was and what entity it was going to.
To answer what happens in an emergency? Phones happen. They sure happened for me, and in the time of Covid, too.
Please don't be jealous of sister. This is ONE HARD job and will be made harder for her doing it by long distance. I spent an entire day on the phone with Spectum Co. when they inadvertently cut my brother's phone off, instead of his neighbors in his ALF. From 1030 a.m. to 4:30 pm I talked to just about every state in the union and not a few countries as they tried to fix this. I was kept so busy making and mailing copies of Trust and of POA papers to different entities I nearly went mad. It took a year to get the files and the monthly accountings for records and my bro straight. I kept a daily dedicated diary. I was so anxious at times I could virtually levitate. It was a steep learning curve. So the only question here is if Sister is capable of this and fully understands her fiduciary/legal duties.
Like you Mom, my brother CHOSE who he wanted to do this and felt was most capable. It turned out I got very very good INDEED at it and I was able to keep him and his money safe and well cared for during his last years diagnosed with probably early onset Lewy's Dementia. I am proud of the work I did, but it was a heck of a load.
Do the right thing. Offer your Sis any help you can. She is going to need it.
To answer the question "what happens in emergency"? Phones happen. They surely did happen for me.
I would ask your sister that question. Because it should not be you. You have a lot of health problems. The fibro being one that could put u down for days. Bi-polar another. I would not care fo anyone if I did not have both financial and Medical. Mom really needs to be placed.
If mom has capacity to make the decision to change her POA, this is perfectly legal.
If there is an emergency, your sister will need to be contacted. She can then either make decisions over the phone for your mom, or drive in and make them in person.
You are no longer obligated to make sure mom gets to medical or legal appointments. You also should not be paying, or assisting with paying, any of mom's bills with mom's (or your own) funds. This is now your sister's responsibility.
If an emergency such as shut off of utilities, or foreclosure/eviction occurs, or if mom misses doctors appointments and her health suffers, or mom goes without food due to lack of ability to purchase groceries, you can contact APS and hire an attorney and go to court to get guardianship/conservatorship.
Hopefully your sister does a great job, and everything goes smoothly! Your mom is in my prayers.
I am POA for both financial and medical for momma going on 13 years. I live out of state. Bro is secondary POA for medical and financial so since he is local and momma is having more medical issues and dr apts either him or my sister which is harder for her but that's what he does to her takes momma to most of her dr apts. If anything major major comes up I step in. If I need to drive five hrs over there I do.
She will have to deal with it. There are some Forum members who do this already. You can visit her for your piece of mind without the pressure. Seek your own personal help as you see decline.
My brother has financial POA and I have medical. He too is in CA and I am in MA. My mother is in ME. It has been working out well. He spends a lot of vacation time in ME and I’d have no problems with him handling a medical emergency. I try to keep him updated on her medical situation, though sometimes it is after the fact, so he has the basic knowledge necessary in case he can’t get hold of me for info. She has also signed the paperwork to share her medical information with him. That part is important, though he hasn’t needed it yet. She has done the same for her caretakers so they can talk to the drs office directly if they have immediate concerns, or if they notice she is low on a med and other day to day needs involving the dr. My mother is at an appointment with one of them advocating for her as I write this because I am at the vets with my dog for her old dog check up! She will also put me on speaker phone for the appointment if there is a need. Basically there is nothing wrong with a trusted surrogate taking her in if the appropriate paperwork has been signed. I will say that the only times she has gone to the ER I think I was there even when one of her caretakers went. The nurses on the forum would know more about how they handle things.
I just recently had experience with one aspect of this.
My Mom went to the emergency room to a hospital she attended prior. I and my sister-in-law are on the hospital list of contacts for my Mom. To put me on that list, I did not need any documents because my mother was fully capable at that time and there to say, yes to adding me to the contacts. However, if I now wanted to change my sister-in-law to my sister, I needed to vouch that I was POA because my Mom is no longer considered competent.
When my sister attempted to get information about my Mom, she was denied access. However, on a conference call with my sister-in-law, my sister, and the hospital, my sister could do all the talking.
I could create a hospital account in my Mom's name, and share the password with my sister, and they would not be the wiser.
As long as both your and your sister get along, all will be well.
However, if you are objecting or asking for the hospital to do something they "doubt", then they will ask you if you are the medical POA or equivalent.
Sister will have to answer for her actions financially and medically if anyone raises a question with authorities, especially with finances if mother becomes a Medicaid case.
hi Angela, your sister is fine w having you do all the daily work, knowing your on disability? And she took over her money and puts her checks in bank where she lives? I recommend you talk with a social worker for your disability, the amount of time and work is not ok given the limitations you have due to your health. Your sister sounds like she’s out for herself, she should have a part time person help or do part of the care herself and if your health permits you to do pt care she should compensate you for your services
A POA doesn't have to sitting on ones lap to do a good job. Many times my cousin was hospitalized, I did go there several times, but mostly handled it via phone.
Support your sister, you are local so you can do the leg work, think "Team"!
I was Trustee of Trust for him. I managed his Trust account which took in his SS from a bank that had and still has banks all over our state. So no problem given that the branch manager in HIS town communicated well with the branch manager in MINE, and I had a "personal banker" assigned due to the size of his CDs with the bank.
I signed all his checks as either Trustee or at POA, according to what type of check it was and what entity it was going to.
To answer what happens in an emergency? Phones happen. They sure happened for me, and in the time of Covid, too.
Please don't be jealous of sister. This is ONE HARD job and will be made harder for her doing it by long distance. I spent an entire day on the phone with Spectum Co. when they inadvertently cut my brother's phone off, instead of his neighbors in his ALF. From 1030 a.m. to 4:30 pm I talked to just about every state in the union and not a few countries as they tried to fix this. I was kept so busy making and mailing copies of Trust and of POA papers to different entities I nearly went mad. It took a year to get the files and the monthly accountings for records and my bro straight. I kept a daily dedicated diary. I was so anxious at times I could virtually levitate. It was a steep learning curve. So the only question here is if Sister is capable of this and fully understands her fiduciary/legal duties.
Like you Mom, my brother CHOSE who he wanted to do this and felt was most capable. It turned out I got very very good INDEED at it and I was able to keep him and his money safe and well cared for during his last years diagnosed with probably early onset Lewy's Dementia. I am proud of the work I did, but it was a heck of a load.
Do the right thing. Offer your Sis any help you can. She is going to need it.
To answer the question "what happens in emergency"? Phones happen. They surely did happen for me.
If there is an emergency, your sister will need to be contacted. She can then either make decisions over the phone for your mom, or drive in and make them in person.
You are no longer obligated to make sure mom gets to medical or legal appointments. You also should not be paying, or assisting with paying, any of mom's bills with mom's (or your own) funds. This is now your sister's responsibility.
If an emergency such as shut off of utilities, or foreclosure/eviction occurs, or if mom misses doctors appointments and her health suffers, or mom goes without food due to lack of ability to purchase groceries, you can contact APS and hire an attorney and go to court to get guardianship/conservatorship.
Hopefully your sister does a great job, and everything goes smoothly! Your mom is in my prayers.
My Mom went to the emergency room to a hospital she attended prior. I and my sister-in-law are on the hospital list of contacts for my Mom. To put me on that list, I did not need any documents because my mother was fully capable at that time and there to say, yes to adding me to the contacts. However, if I now wanted to change my sister-in-law to my sister, I needed to vouch that I was POA because my Mom is no longer considered competent.
When my sister attempted to get information about my Mom, she was denied access. However, on a conference call with my sister-in-law, my sister, and the hospital, my sister could do all the talking.
I could create a hospital account in my Mom's name, and share the password with my sister, and they would not be the wiser.
As long as both your and your sister get along, all will be well.
However, if you are objecting or asking for the hospital to do something they "doubt", then they will ask you if you are the medical POA or equivalent.