Mom cannot remember if they gave her her medication in the morning, DRAMA! How do I know what to believe?

At some point when our LOs have short-term memory impairment, no amount of note-writing will help, only add to their confusion. Plus she just had a very major change in her life: moving into a new place with new people and new everything. This will know most elders for a loop for a while.

As her advocate I think you should always check with staff to make sure things are happening correctly for her, but you now will need tempered expectations on what her mind/memory can do. Your job is not to react to her panic but to sooth her. As people become very elderly and if they have cognitive/memory impairment, they are less and less able to bring themselves into a state of calmness because their functions of reason and logic are also diminishing. Lots of reassuring will be needed going forward. I wish you much peace in your heart as you help her acclimate to her new environment.

I doubt if she is not getting her meds. And like Alva said, different brands are different colors. When the Medtech hands Mom the meds, ask that they tell her what they are giving her. I doubt if she is not getting the correct meds. She should be only getting the list of meds that you provided. The Nurse needs a doctor's order to prescribe anything different. The Nurse at Moms AL talked to me before calling Moms doctor with any changes. Or I asked if she needed something like Advil, which is OTC but still needed an order from the doctor.

You have a right to go over Moms meds with the RN. Approach her with Moms worries. If something has been added, question it. I got the bill from the pharmacy ever month so I knew what meds were ordered. The facility may be giving Mom the meds at the correct time. Mom may not have been taken them correctly. I think its cholesterol meds that work better at night. But someone that takes a lot of pills may take it when they take the majority of their pills, usually the morning.

Calm her down saying you will talk to the Nurse. Mom is a resident not a patient. You have a right to question the staff. Better u approach things as "I have question" then accusing "Mom said". If Mom has Dementia you will have to take what she says with a grain of salt till you can prove differently. Their reality is not our reality. TV and dreams become part of their reality.

My Mom told me the Doctor wanted to talk to me then pointed to Dick VanDyke on Diagnosis Murder. Her reality.

At my mother’s Assisted Living Memory Care facility, she is on their medication program.

Her meds for the month are each on a separate card, which contains a blister opening space for each day.

They are happy to show them to me. If your Mom is on their program, the Director of Nursing can show you your Mom’s meds, and their progress through the month.

If your mom is not on their medication program, you may want to consider changing her over.

Best wishes to you!

What do you mean, you've 'made lists describing her medication, we've taped them everywhere.' ???? Are you expecting your mom to take her own meds based on these notes you've taped everywhere? Or, is she on the medication program at the Assisted Living Facility whereby the meds are given TO her by the QMAPS every time? If so, why would she need lists taped all over the place? That would be further confusing the situation, in my opinion. Elders with memory issues are not helped with lists which can add to their confusion.

If she's on the medication program and calling you with conflicting stories about not getting her meds, I think you need to chalk that off to her memory problems (after you check it out with staff). And then have her tested for dementia if this type of behavior is an ongoing thing.

The purpose of being on a medication program in AL is to avoid having your mother anxiety ridden over medications. My mother had advanced dementia and lived in Memory Care AL; now, she was ALWAYS anxiety ridden that the 'wrong' meds were being given to her, or, too many meds were being given to her, that was her constant complaint. I was always talking her off one ledge or another, but that was to be expected because of her advanced dementia. The MC staff were NOT 'making mistakes' with her meds, it was mom who's mind wasn't working right that was trying to convince her they were making mistakes!

Before you 'feel defeated', you've got to get to the root of what the problem is.

Good luck!

Oy, I remember this well.

On how to stay calm--deep breathing helps. So does venting here.

Also, don't buy in to mom's panic. "I'll look into that". is the proper response.

Set up a meeting with the Director of Nursing (DON). Go in with a list of mom's meds, what they look like, dosage, time, etc.

Make sure that the DON has the same list.

Meds in an AL are given out on THEIR schedule. It might not be the same schedule that mom is used to at home. Figure out if it matters.

My mom's first AL insisted that they needed to give her her sleeping pill at the last administration, which was at 8 PM. My mom has ALWAYS been a night owl and had no intention of going to bed shortly after 8 PM. They arranged to bring her sleeping pill to her room at 11 pm each night.

Are you using the in-house pharmacy? If so, some of mom's pills may look different. But only if you sit down with the DON will you know for sure.

Call and ask to speak with the medication tech or medication nurse. Often they use different generics that mean different colors; I would check for her as she is new there. There COULD be a mixup. You know the medication, so call and ask to speak with them. Hope they are as cooperative as my brother's ALF was; they were great in sharing this info with me.
Expect some problems in the beginning. It will take a bit of time to get the wrinkles smoothed out and things running well.
Let us know how responsive they are to you, and what you find out. Best out to you.