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My mother is 92 yrs.old.My father 95. home. Father will not go out. He is type 2 diabetic good control.He is being evaluated for Alzheimer's (no memory) irritable. does not remember conversation's just had 2 minute's prior. My father is extremely shaky.
Mom has just been diagnosed with severe depression today.Neither drive.
Mom want's to go to assisted living even with out Dad. We kids have all been doing a lot to assist them. State has suggested "in home care". We do not agree. Band aid to problem. What do you suggest.


Sincerely, Julie



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I agree with the others here who have said use home care as a bandaid. Also, is it possible to close off their second floor? My uncle did that with Grandma and it really helped.
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I'd accept the bandaid while I scrambled around finding a more substantial and appropriate solution.

And getting used to non-family providing some care is a good step toward a care center.
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jmw, it is nice that you kids are helping out your parents, but guess what is happening? You all are enabling your parents to remain in that house. Oops.

That happened to me. My parents were in their 90's, too, and would not budge out of that 3 story house, all those stairs were giving me nightmares of them falling, which did happen. But I was always running over to help with this or that. No wonder they didn't move, they didn't have to, everything was working out for them.... but not working out for me, I was becoming a basket-case.

I can understand your Mom wanting to downsize, some women want a place that takes less time to do all the household chores, as when we get older, the chores take much longer to do. Heck, even I find my house getting bigger and bigger every year :P

But to some elders, it is defeat if they move into something smaller... and "what would the neighbors say?".

My Dad recently moved to Independent/Assisting Living after Mom passed away [yep, a fall took her], and he really likes the place.... he said he wishes he could have moved there years ago. To him it is like living in a 5-star hotel. Yes, it's expensive but Dad might have well use all the money he and Mom saved for that "rainy day".... it's storming now.
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Well, if you don't go with Pam's suggeztion to accept what sounds like the offer of a Medicaid Waiver program, if the family finances will bear it, I'd sign mom up for a nice AL. Dad may stop bluffing resistance when he sees mom packing.
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If your parents have no car, they're for all practical purposes homebound, and that's one of the criteria.

So, why won't Meals on Wheels come to the home?
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Depending on the financial situation and other factors it sounds like they would be better off in assited living. I have a similar situation with my folks. They refuse any help so I'm just waiting for the next crisis. Depending on the severity of the next crisis it will be in home help at roughly 20 per hour or a facility. My best guess is in home care for a while but when 24/7 care is needed off they go.
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Go with the Band-Aid. Getting them on an HCBS waiver is actually going to make it easier to move them to a facility when the time comes. HCBS means Home and Community Based Services.
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