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Unfortunately I have to use her car through the week to get my son to school, take her or myself or teen to an appointment or to run her errands, so she uses that as a reason for me to answer the phone through the week, and when I dont its always, it could've been an emergency or as much as I do for you, mind you I never ask her to do anything, she just does it. But I feel as though she holds things against me if I am not at her beck and call when she wants. She can be very critical and hateful and controlling. I know she has turned alot of people away and its like I'm her dumpster for every emotion she is feeling or anything negative she has experienced If I don't agree I'm against her. I have my own issues dealing with MS and a teenager. I look at the phone sometimes and cringe not wanting to answer the phone. I am in the process of getting my own car. When Friday comes I gladly hand over her car. Even then if she calls its what are you doing or why aren't you answering your phone. I have tried to have a decent conversation with her about this it always ends in an argument. She has gotten to be so bad it affects my teen. My Mom is single and lives alone. Never been married.

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You’re driving. You need to be safe. That is number one. You don’t need her distractions while you are on the road.

You are busy. You have a life with your own responsibilities. You are an adult. She shouldn’t be allowed to speak to you as if you were 12 years old. Tell her you will not answer her call when you are driving. Say it once.

Don’t repeat things over and over. Never works. Doesn’t work with kids. Doesn’t want with the elderly. Plus it will wear you out to keep repeating.

She will not charge her attitude but you can change your reaction. Best wishes to you.
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Reply to NeedHelpWithMom
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OMG I did not know my mother was calling you also!!!!!!!!

All joking aside, these women I call Energy Vampires because they suck the life right OUT of you, don't they? The toxic negativity is something that gives me heartburn and has done so for the past 62 years of my life. Or since I was old enough to comprehend language & realize what was coming out of my mother's mouth was all nasty garbage.

I will tell you what I do with my EV mother: I tell her I'm working full time which I'm not; I work part time, but she does not have to know that. I can't take calls at work, mother, so if you DO call, those calls will have to go to voice mail during the hours I work. So sorry (not). I call HER every day at the same time and we have a 'conversation' which I put in quotation marks because lately, she has nothing much to say, which is a HUGE bonus over the usual conversations we have which are aimed at bashing other people and complaining in general.

In other words, I set the rules, not her. I realize you have to borrow her car, so that makes you 'indebted' to her, which totally fouls up the game plan. All these women need is ONE ounce of ammunition and BAM, we're mince meat.

Let the calls go to voicemail when you can't handle the nuclear waste. If she has something (else) negative to say, so be it. What's the difference? You're an ingrate ANYWAY, so what's the big deal about adding a bit MORE fuel to the fire? Take care of YOU, in other words, or all that toxic waste will build up inside of your body & cause illness. Learn to use certain phrases with her like:

Gee mom, that's unfortunate.
Gee mom, I'm sorry you're feeling that way.
What do YOU plan to do about your issue, mom?
Gee mom, that just does not work for me.

And remember, all she's doing for you is lending you her car. She's not curing cancer or finding a vaccine for Coronavirus (snicker). Even though SHE makes it out to be that way, as if her sacrifices were and are SO huge that she deserves to be carried around on a throne, it's not so. It's just more hot air she's blowing up your butt for effect. Don't buy into it.

Get your own car ASAP and get off the "You Owe Me Big Time" wagon. The price is SO high that you could have been renting a Ferrari all this time instead of borrowing her car!!

Good luck!
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Reply to lealonnie1
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Blessed2da, your profile says you are also caring for your 98-yr old grandmother as well? Is this your mom's mother? I will also celebrate for your independence when you get your own car. The best strategy is to have as little contact and dependence on her as possible. She sounds like she is having problems other than being an unpleasant person, so you need to put up boundaries. Once you get the car, don't answer her calls unless you really feel like talking to her. Call her when it's convenient for you. If she gets unpleasant or disrespectful on the phone you can give her 1 warning that you won't be spoken to like that and if she doesn't change her tone you will hang up on her (then you must do it she continues being a jerk). Then do not answer her calls for the rest of the day and night. And the next call from her would need to be an apology, and you can let her know you are expecting one. Stop letting her call the shots and jerk you around. She does it because you let her. If you show your teen that you're a doormat, that child will either grow up thinking that's what they are or they'll start treating you the same. You don't need that from anyone. Defend yourself (and your teen). Let us know when you get the car!
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Reply to Geaton777
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