She has vascular dementia. She drove her car 15 miles to nursing home looking for dad. He’s been dead 7 yrs. Nursing home tired of her calling daily and numerous calls.
There comes a time when someone living alone with VaD goes from *coping* to *not coping*.
I heard first hand from someone who hadn't realised the line had been crossed - until looking back. Things crept up so slowly.
The scorch marks on kitchen pans, the unpaid bills, the getting lost around town a few times.
It was the foot on the accelerator instead of the brake, driving at speed into the closed garage door that did it. The broken neck. Survivable but not healable. Permanent collar & only partially able to stand/walk from then on. To skilled nursing care & falls until bedbound. Maybe it couldn't be prevented - I don't know.
It's a tricky time. No-one wants to take independence away if unwarranted but the dangers of too much freedom, when reason is diminished, are real.
At this point, you can and should call your state's hotline and file a report of a self neglecting elder who is unsafe and not able to care for herself. And that you are not able to be with her 24/7. Give your name, they aren't going to judge you for the situation at this point - and they are the ones with resources to cut through some of the red tape and help you with some of the actions to take to develop a safe situation for your mother. They are also good at dealing with taking away the keys/disabling the engine. The police do wellness checks but it is very cursory, she may seem 'okay enough'. Repeated nuisance phone calls are not criminal. And a number that was very important and frequently used when your dad lived there is clearly not forgotten. (forgetting never works out that way! ) Try to ignore critics and judgmental attitudes. You realize now that you need help to get safety for your mother. You do not have to be the one who cares for her 24/7 and keeps her safe.
Your Mom can no longer live alone for any amount of time. I am surprised the police have not told you this. Someone needs to either take her in, move in with her, set up 24/7 caregivers or place her. I suggest you place her because my other suggestions mean you dealing with her 24/7 or dealing with aides.
Yes, and she should not be driving. She needs a good physical to make sure there is nothing physical going on. She also needs a Neurologist to run tests checking for Dementia and what type.
The nursing home can block her number on their phone system.
She needs to be in a facility or have 24/7 care.
Are you serious? Or trolling?🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉
Obviously checking in daily is not nearly enough. If nobody has POA or it has not been activated it is time for guardianship. Based on her little trip guardianship may be available on an emergency basis. Get with an elder law attorney today.
Just fyi having been in business for 30+ years and having a business phone with multiple lines... it is not easy to block a number, the operator may not have the passwords and/or authority to do the blocking AND if there are multiple lines, it has to be done for each one. It's not a mobile phone.
Since you check in daily, it might be time to step up to sharing with sister by taking alternate weeks of having her stay with you until finding the right accommodation for her. It sounds as though your mother is very confused, needing supervision and reassurance. At 92, she should not be driving - vascular dementia leaves people making poor judgements. I hope you can see things through her eyes and find some compassion - it will stop the phone calls at the very least...
Really? After you "lose" her car keys or disable the car, disconnect the telephone. Set her up with a Life Alert button right before you either get her 24/7 in home caregivers or locate a Memory Care Assisted Living facility to house her. Consider yourself lucky she hasn't killed herself or OTHERS yet by driving a car with this level of known dementia at play! Stopping these calls to the nursing home is really the least of your problems!
It's hard to imagine she's being left alone at home with police doing "wellness checks" on her. She's obviously not doing well at all, the poor soul! The 20 calls a day to you should've been your first alert that mom needs help. Dementia is no joke and nothing to take lightly! Please get her the care she needs before a crisis occurs.
I agree with MJ1929, you have your hands too full. Please make sure she no longer has access to her car, for her own safety and that of others. Controlling her movement should help on one front, but then she'll probably ramp up the phone calling. Is the phone number to the facility in her memory? Is so there's no way to control that except to end her phone usage, which I would not recommend until she is resettled where she is safe and cared for by others. Can't the NH block her number? There's no other way to get around that.
Yes, she needs total supervision now. If either of you are her PoA then start reading that paperwork to see what is required to activate the authority and what powers have been conferred.
If no one is her PoA and she doesn't have a diagnosis of dementia/impairment in her medical records... you may need to seek emergency guardianship through the courts if she doesn't cooperate with whatever help you try to set up for her. Hopefully someone is already managing her banking and financial affairs? If she's "feisty" you will need to use therapeutic fibs to keep her calm and get her to cooperate for her own good. Wishing you much success!
I heard first hand from someone who hadn't realised the line had been crossed - until looking back. Things crept up so slowly.
The scorch marks on kitchen pans, the unpaid bills, the getting lost around town a few times.
It was the foot on the accelerator instead of the brake, driving at speed into the closed garage door that did it. The broken neck. Survivable but not healable. Permanent collar & only partially able to stand/walk from then on. To skilled nursing care & falls until bedbound. Maybe it couldn't be prevented - I don't know.
It's a tricky time. No-one wants to take independence away if unwarranted but the dangers of too much freedom, when reason is diminished, are real.
Arrange a needs assessment asap.
The police do wellness checks but it is very cursory, she may seem 'okay enough'.
Repeated nuisance phone calls are not criminal.
And a number that was very important and frequently used when your dad lived there is clearly not forgotten. (forgetting never works out that way! )
Try to ignore critics and judgmental attitudes. You realize now that you need help to get safety for your mother. You do not have to be the one who cares for her 24/7 and keeps her safe.
Yes, and she should not be driving. She needs a good physical to make sure there is nothing physical going on. She also needs a Neurologist to run tests checking for Dementia and what type.
She needs to be in a facility or have 24/7 care.
Are you serious? Or trolling?🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉
Obviously checking in daily is not nearly enough. If nobody has POA or it has not been activated it is time for guardianship. Based on her little trip guardianship may be available on an emergency basis. Get with an elder law attorney today.
It sounds as though your mother is very confused, needing supervision and reassurance. At 92, she should not be driving - vascular dementia leaves people making poor judgements.
I hope you can see things through her eyes and find some compassion - it will stop the phone calls at the very least...
It's hard to imagine she's being left alone at home with police doing "wellness checks" on her. She's obviously not doing well at all, the poor soul! The 20 calls a day to you should've been your first alert that mom needs help. Dementia is no joke and nothing to take lightly! Please get her the care she needs before a crisis occurs.
Yes, she needs total supervision now. If either of you are her PoA then start reading that paperwork to see what is required to activate the authority and what powers have been conferred.
If no one is her PoA and she doesn't have a diagnosis of dementia/impairment in her medical records... you may need to seek emergency guardianship through the courts if she doesn't cooperate with whatever help you try to set up for her. Hopefully someone is already managing her banking and financial affairs? If she's "feisty" you will need to use therapeutic fibs to keep her calm and get her to cooperate for her own good. Wishing you much success!
She needs to be in a memory care facility or have 24/7 care.