Will I be responsible for finances. I really don't know what she's doing? She is 85 and is so stubborn she won't let me help her she won't move to AZ. She lives in Ark. no relatives are near. She won't consider Assisted living. I got a call from a nurse practioner the other day saying my Mom had gone to see her for an annual check up. She was complaining of headaches and her blood pressure was slightly elevated. The nurse wanted to prescribe meds for my Mom which she refused because she does everything the natural way. The nurse said later she got a call from the pharmacist saying Mom was there wanting her meds. This sis the first time anything like this has happened as far as I know. I can't get her to see the nurse again, she wanted to do a mental eval on Mom. I mean she is completely unable to reach because she is so stubborn, won't take any advice. I wish she would sell that house but that isn't an option with her. What do I do?

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heydeb, elders your Mom's age will refuse any type of senior living mainly because back 75 years old she probably remembers seeing or hearing about where elders would be sent to live. Back then it was usually to an asylum which everyone hated the thought of evening visiting much less living there.

You mentioned your Mom is borrowing on the house. Did she take out an equity loan or did she get a Reverse Mortgage? As for putting you on the Deed, tell her "no" if she hasn't done so already. That would throw a very huge wrench into Medicaid if the time comes for your Mom to use that program. Medicaid will see your name on the deed, and consider it was a "gift" from your Mom.

Plus if you get the house, and your name is already on the Deed, and you want to sell the house... the basis used for capital gains would be from day one when your Mom had bought the house years ago. If you get the house, your name is not on the Deed, then the basis used for capital gains would be the value of the house the day you inherited it. But I can understand a parent wanting to deed over the house now, as the parent thinks in their mind it will save a lot headaches.

You would be responsible for any property taxes as being a Deed holder, and also for homeowner's insurance, when and if your Mom stops paying. But not responsible for any mortgages because your name isn't on the mortgage, and you never had signed any paperwork to that affect.

Parents want to hang onto their house forever. A team of wild horses won't make them budge. My Mom [98] was that way, her home and she is staying in it. My Dad [95] had more common sense at his age, he knew the house was too much for the both of them, but what Mom said is the rule. Oh well, one just waits for a serious medical crises or two or three before the parent will consider moving, maybe.
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I would be very concerned if there is activity involving changing deeds, conveying assets, etc. by someone who is acting odd and perhaps suffering with some physical or mental decline. She could be doing things that place her assets in jeopardy. Did she consult with an attorney about all of this? I hope they understand her situation as a senior and estate planning.

Name on the deed does not normally entail mortgage obligation, but, I would explore what other consequences there could be with an attorney or financial expert, such as taxes, insurance, etc. I'd insist on finding out all documents that have your name on them and explore what that means.

It sounds like she's just very resistant and I would not want to be on board with someone in that case. Trying to help her from another state is virtually impossible too. Is there anyone else who can intervene?
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At 85 even if in good physical health it will be difficult to help your mom from a distance especially if she is stubborn
You could end up in a crisis mode if she has a fall or lands in the hospital suddenly
It is very important that your mom help decide how she wants her affairs handled when she is no longer able to do it herself
If you have siblings then you need to come together with mom and decide who will handle both health and financial matters - there is paperwork that needs to be signed and notarized

While my mom is stubborn as well she knew she had to take these steps
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