Mom's becoming more and more abusive. How do I get her to go to a dr. to get some help?

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My Mom (82) still lives unassisted with Dad. She is almost 82, and my dad is 78. They still live in their home unassisted. My dad has some health issues, Nueropathy, but my mom is relatively healthy. They are under a lot of stress due to money issues, and are in the process of selling a second home that they needed to sell years ago when they discovered they were upside down in it. It has been a huge finacial drain. My mom keeps making bad decisions about money, and continues to ask to borrow money from my brother and me. We have offered to help them with there money, but we want to see their bank statements because my mom also does day trading and we feel that she is loosing money in the stock market and wants the money to keep that going. She has yet to show us anything, but keeps begging for money, saying we owe her. She also yells, and has gotten more and more verbally abusive. She is also delusional and accuses my brother and I of talking and ploting about her. She is more and more irrational. After reading some of these articles, I am wondering if she has on set dementia. How do we get her to go to a dr. to get a diagnosis? How do we start those hard conversations?

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Willow, sounds like your Mom needs to be angry at someone because she is probably losing a lot of money doing the day trading... day trading is best left to the experts who have deep pockets and can take those risks. Stopping her won't be easy unless you can figure out how to block those day trading websites from her computer.

No parent should ask their grown child for money. Her saying "you owe her" is just a cop-out for wanting your money. Tell her she has already borrowed all the money you have, there is no more to give. Just hope she doesn't try to refinance their house or get a reverse mortgage to satisfy her need to day trade.
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Is it possible to get your dad out of there and into assisted living? Then, you would have to let your mom go on down her path until she fails. It is kinda like raising a child. How is the money that they have being deposited, now? I would try to fix it so that she doesn't have access to any pension that is her husbands.
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Willow, it does sound like something is wrong. She may also have a touch of a gambling problem if she does day trading. Most non-professionals end up losing money with day trading. It is better to let an expert handle the money. She will miss the little jolt of joy that comes from a good day for a stock, but she will also miss the loss that comes from the down days. Maybe you could interest her in some of the more stable mutual funds if she wants to keep her foot in the marketplace.

About lending money -- just say no, that you don't have any extra right now. It sounds like you might be putting the money into a bottomless pit right now. It always bothers me when I hear a parent say that a child owes them so that they can maintain a life that is not working for them. I don't know how much you can do, since your parents are still legally competent. The most will be to encourage them to look for medical help and to invest more wisely. You don't owe them so they can throw money into the bottomless pit. I have a feeling that your mother will be reluctant to go to a doctor to see if she has dementia -- most of us wouldn't want that. However, you may be able to talk her into going for other reasons and let the doctor know about some of the things you have observed.
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Who has their powers of attorney? You will need to get those in place before you can even begin to try to do something. Otherwise, everybody has the right to make bad decisions. Just do not give them money unless they document how it is being spent. Or if you are comfortable offer to pay specific bills if statements are provided to you.
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