Wife's sister has form of dementia and is encountering demands from her children to turn over her financial resources and move from her home. Can a child do this without court order and declare child or wife of child as guardians of his mother?
Well, it may be that your sister in law really does need help - is she refusing the help that might keep her reasonably safe in her home? Is she managing her finances OK or are there big troubles with bills and maintaining the home? Would your wife be a far better person to become POA if she can still designate one, or guardian if not? Those are not easy questions but they are the things to ask yourself and face the honest answers as head-on as you can. I can see where it would be a very emotional issue if it leaves you wondering how your wife is doing and what might happen, or if you are worried about you, too...but being in any denial (not saying you are!) or fighting something that might really be the best thing could do a great deal of harm.
From mywife's sister's comments from telephone conversations make it appear that her daughter-in-law is most aggressively assertive and most upsetting to my wife's sister. Both her son and daughter in law are pressing her to turn over her assets and income sources, which seems to be the prime motive for their behavior. Her son has stated to me that he is requesting his mother to turn over her assets to him rather than assets be confiscated by a nursing facility. I have not delved into how nursing facilities's contracts that enable such facilities to take over the assets of their clients but have heard of that happening. From how my wife's sister describes confrontation with her daughter-in-law the description appears to be bordering on harassment. My wife says that we need to physically observe that confrontation before considering reporting same to government authorities, but her brother has encouraged us to do so now.
Eek. No. There is a look-back period if Medicaid will be involved, and that results in a penalty period for "gifting" which is what this would be considered. It is 5-10 YEARS, depending on the state, so what the SIL and BIL are wanting will likely totally backfire if she already has early dementia. That said, I had a Baptist minister friend whose mom and dad could trust him absolutely, and did get those things done well over a decade before anything was ever necessary. Made everyone's life a lot easier. Get thee to a competent estate planner or eldercare attorney NOW while you all probably still have good options. Get POA into the hands of a reputable and knowledgeable person - it may be that the in-laws just need education, as this is uncharted territory for nearly all of us as we first start to face it.
No they cAnt legally force her. She would need evaluated by a physician and they would have to make the recommendation in writing. then you can use your POA to make decisions. Second option would be to document all factual observations, late bills, etc and take mom to court to force...but this option is ugly and costly with a lawyer and traumatic for mom and possibly you. Think it through. Are there other options? Will mom allow you to pay the bills? Can you set up remote banking so you can monitor and electronically pay some bills or set up autopsy on the most important ones? Can you have outside care come in a few hrs a week to help her? Is there RSVPS in your community to help mom? It depends on how bad mom is physically or mentally. Children can also call in APS to evaluate if they think mom is not safe or living conditions are unhealthy...that is very difficult to prove even by APS -- in my community they were no help.
My SIL and her husband are also strongly suggesting that my in laws organize their assets as to minimize the amount available to pay for a nursing home should that become necessary in the future. They do not have evil intent, they think they are being helpful.
I would get a restraining order against my child, if push came to shove. What they are doing is not helpful. They are making it worse, by suggesting that she organize her assets. She could pre-pay funeral costs, if that would satisfy them.
My FIL sat them down, explained he had consulted an elder law attorney and matters had been arranged to his satisfaction. ( That is to say, his money and assets are still his. Hahaha.) It might be too late for the LW's sister in law to consult an elder law attorney but I would certainly do something like that before getting restraining orders on the relatives.
I would seek Guardianship IMMEDIATELY and write a long letter to the Judge recommending NONE of the idiot children be appointed to Guardian. NOW, without delay before they take all she has.
Your wife seems to understand that acting on information given by a person with dementia requires care and caution. It may well be that her sister is not safe home alone and may need to have help with her finances. Her son may not be trying a money grab, but trying to preserve her assets.
Is wife's sister competent? Do her children want to take care of her and make sure her assets are protected? Many questions. Seems a little late to be giving away money. If she has dementia, she is not going to get better but more than likely need money for memory care. If her children are freaking out because they see the possibility of losing an "inheritance". Well, that ship has probably sailed.
Would it be helpful for the sister to call her nephew and suggest a meeting with a reliable elder care lawyer? She could mention that the conversations about finances are upsetting to his mother. And maybe a good lawyer could explain to the son and daughter in law what can and cannot be done at this point. I don't think LW and his wife need to get themselves appointed guardians...that's a big job.
Are there other options? Will mom allow you to pay the bills? Can you set up remote banking so you can monitor and electronically pay some bills or set up autopsy on the most important ones?
Can you have outside care come in a few hrs a week to help her? Is there RSVPS in your community to help mom?
It depends on how bad mom is physically or mentally. Children can also call in APS to evaluate if they think mom is not safe or living conditions are unhealthy...that is very difficult to prove even by APS -- in my community they were no help.
Adults have to be in imminent danger.
Good luck,