If I'm not in Mom's field of vision, she bangs on the table or bed with her hand or foot and yells? Anyone else?

It is really sad, Dee. And it is so good you are there for her.

Would it be less annoying for you if she had a bell or some other noisemaker to use to summon you? Or is the constantly being summoned that is so hard? (Both, probably.)

My mother always wanted me within sight when she spent weekends with me. She'd holler and holler and when I appeared she'd say in a scolding tone, "Well where have you been?" It didn't help that she'd lost her sense of time, and didn't really know how long I'd been "gone." I told her repeatedly, "Ma, I will ALWAYS be in the house when you are here. If I have to go to the store I will tell you, I will write it down, and I will tell you who else is in the house. I'll never leave you alone." Of course she'd forget this, but it helped for a while.

One day we made a joke out of it. Every time I walked past her I told her exactly where I was going. "I'm on my way to the kitchen, Ma, to peel onions for dinner." "I'm going downstairs to bring up a load of laundry." "I'm going into the bathroom to pee now, Ma." Pretty soon we laughed at every announcement.

I don't know of any way to "cure" this behavior, Dee. Do what you can to make it less annoying for you. Be there for this poor dear woman whose world has become a scary place for her.

Dee, I take it that your mom is in her 70s. Mine is in her 90s. She, too, raised 7 of us. When she spent weekends with me she was mobile with a walker. Now she is in a wheelchair and is a two-person transfer. She is living in a nursing home and gets family visits nearly everyday. She went through a period of screaming for help frequently (can't remember to use her button) and then not needing anything except to know she is not alone. I am glad to report she has gotten through that phase, is confident she is being cared for and is not alone, and is content.

I hope that your dear mother, too, can somehow gain more confidence about her safety and can relax a bit.

Have you discussed her symptoms in detail with her doctor?

Sunnygirl1 - Mom's on an anti-depressant and Seroquel at bedtime. It helps her fall asleep and stay asleep (most) nights for 6 hours. She just started the Seroquel a month ago. Before that, it was up and down all night long, every 2 hours and oftentimes more. I don't even know HOW I managed that almost every night for over 5 1/2 years, then getting up for work the next morning. The past 3-4 months I've become less patient and that saddens me. So glad her new doc started her on Seroquel. 6-8 straight hours of sleep most nights is sooooo welcome to me. She had a stroke 6 years ago so she can't wander or get into stuff. I try to remember just how vulnerable she must feel, and that's what's spurring the behavior. TV becomes reality to her, so maybe I'll just turn on some calm music and have her sit with me while I make her homemade bread or her favorite cookies. She's always been my best friend - I miss that.

Dee, this is just heartbreaking. I'm so sorry she's progressing this way. It's difficult to understand and accept. I see it with my cousin. She's not not my mother, but still, I'm all she has now. It's heartbreaking to see her this way. I would never have expected it. She's only 63 years old!

My cousin was always a tv fan, but now, she can't give it 5 seconds of attention. She can't recall what she had for lunch as she wheels out of the dining room. We are fortunate that she is not disruptive and seems content and cheerful most of the time. But still, I can see the decline in her abilities. Her decline has been fast. I expect her to not know who I am soon. She doesn't have the patience to do much or watch anything except for music. She likes that a lot.

Dee, Seroquel saved my sanity and allowed me to keep my husband home with me. (He took it -- not me.) The ability to sleep through the night is absolutely crucial. I'm glad the new doctor recognizes that.

The decline through dementia is heartbreaking. No doubt about it. But the ability to provide some comfort and reassurance is extremely meaningful. I wouldn't wish for this caretaking journey, but it was/is rewarding in many ways.

My mom will say she can't remember if she's had lunch while the dirty dishes are still on the table in front of her! We tell her, "It is OK if you don't remember about your meals, Ma. There are lots of helpers here who will remember for you. You never miss a meal and it is almost always something you like. You had to think about meals for many, many years. Now you can just let others take care of that."

Her short-term memory is getting worse, which I didn't think possible. Still, she enjoys her meals, getting her hair done, her magazines and the daily paper and visits from her daughters (even if she doesn't remember the visits within the hour.) She is content.

You can't hope to fix your mother or your cousin, but you can try to help them feel content. It is the best we can do, but it is a lot.

(Dee, once my husband thought he was an airplane. "You're on an airplane?" "No. I AM an airplaine." Sigh. He finally came in for a landing and all was well. And he once asked me, a bit sheepishly, if I was his first or second wife. Mostly his delusions were amusing and harmless. I am sorry that your mother has some scary ones!)

Jeanne, glad he landed safely! Yes, keeping them content and safe is all we can do. Helpful to know we're not alone. Last night mom wanted me to lie down in bed with her because she was scared. She said to me "come on, I'm not going to try anything". I couldn't help it, I started laughing and just gave her the biggest hug. She's such a honey.

Sometimes odd behavior is difficult to figure out in dementia patients. It seems clear she wants you near her. Still, that can be draining if you're home from work and need to get things done and can't be in her field of vision.

What if you put a large photo of you and her together in front of her to look at? Or what if you made a video of you walking around the house, the yard, talking to her. You could sit it up on a portable player and let her watch it. It couldn't hurt. See if she will look at it and your photo so you can get out of her sight for awhile each evening.

jeannegibbs my Ma does that, too! Where have you been? Uh, in the bathroom, Ma. Well, I was calling and calling for you. Ok, Ma I'm here, what do you want? Oh, I'm sorry, I didn't think anyone heard me. I've been calling for 20 minutes! (She hadn't been).

Love that your Ma had a sense of humor about it. I just wondered if anyone else had experienced this. She uses anything she can get her hands on to bang on the table. Gets louder and louder until I go in there. It's really annoying but I try to remember that she is scared and that's where it's coming from. Must be horrible for her, poor Ma. She raised 7 kids by herself and was the strongest, bravest woman I've ever known. This is sad that this is how she ended up. Sometimes I look at her and this surge of compassion and love makes me tear up. I love her so much it hurts. I always say this is harder on her than it is on me. And I truly believe that.

Sunnygirl1 Mom started with dementia shortly after her stroke (vascular) - she was only able to walk with a platform walker and 1-2 people helping her. Her knees are so arthritic she can only stand for a quick transfer now and sometimes I have to do most of the lifting. She has left side hemi-paresis so she can't use left hand/arm and is weak on left leg, also has visual field block. At first she would see a little boy or girl, sometimes sitting on the ceiling fan or whatever, always the same 2 kids - we called them her guardian angels. About a year in that got worse and now she sees some really bizarre stuff. Her decline is strange. She'd reach a new plateau, then would get really sick and be in the hospital. She had a 2nd smaller stroke, then she was at a new level for a while, until she had another illness/hospitalization. Each time she came home worse with a new "normal". This new decline has happened pretty quickly really, over the course of one year. She's 75 now, almost 76. She had her stroke at 69.
My Gram, her mom, had Alzheimer's. I suspect my mom has mixed dementia - primarily the vascular but also possibly AZ. She can't read, write or do anything for herself except can eat pretty well still. I read James Herriotts' books to her (All Creatures, Great and Small, etc.) because she grew up on a farm (one of 14 kids) and it was the best time of her life. She loves the stories. Sometimes though she will mix up what she's been read or hears on tv or someone says and it becomes reality to her and gets so wildly outrageous. Only thing I can do is make her feel like I have whatever she's worried about taken care of and then redirect her. Sometimes, though, she's having none of it and gets really upset, thinks I'm trying to pull something over on her.
It's frustrating but fascinating how her mind mixes things up. The only way I can describe it to people is like this - imagine all the little flakes in a snow globe are her memories - when you shake it everything gets mixed up and the flakes never fall back into place. I try to do the things she likes (reading, etc.). Some day I know I will wish she was around to bang on the table and ask me to make her favorite cookies.
Has your cousin had a stroke or Parkinson's? Mom had her first BM accident on Christmas Day, and another a couple of days later. Stopped letting her eat all the candy and stuff everyone gave her and it hasn't happened again (knock on wood!). I was really worried that would be the next level and I don't do well with that. We don't get to pick and choose, though. She's incontinent with urine. If it comes to bowel incontinence I don't know how I'll handle that. Sigh.

Dee, thanks for sharing about your mom. What a sweet lady and what a nice story.

We didn't know my cousin had any strokes until the MRI revealed multiple strokes and white matter lesions. She must have been having them for years due to her intentional refusal to treat her hypertension and diabetes. Plus, it's likely the Alzheimers was also progressing. Within a few months she went from running her household, shopping, paying bills to not being able to do any of that. She went downhill very quickly in a matter of 6 months.

I admire what you and Jeannegibbs have done for your mothers. I can't even imagine it. You will certainly get jewels in your crown one day.