Memory care facility says, say no and change subject. My mom has dementia ... not Alzheimer's, but still about a 5.5 out of 7. Daddy died February 2014, while she was in the mid stage of about 3-3.5. It was terrible on her, because she would ask every few minutes where he was, and then someone would tell her he died, and her grief was immeasurable.
I tried caring for her in her own home, but it was impossible. His death sent her into a spiral into the next level of 4.5-5. We made the decision to move her to a wonderful memory care facility. That was the first place we heard of the new thinking: Let her be happy in her own reality. For the most part, her children honor that. We tell her he's on a trip, or at the bank, or shopping, and she is perfectly happy.
One of my siblings, however, never seems to want to give her that comfort. If my mom asks, where is your father? and maybe continues, he's dead, right? that particular sibling will agree and continue the conversation about his death, etc. She thinks it calms our mother, but then she leaves and our mother is left to her fractured thoughts, and it ends up agitating her or putting her in a state of panic and anxiety. What should be do?