If I explain some small details (information that she asks for) she blows up and blames me for “arguing” .. sometimes I think she does this on purpose.. instead of letting out her feelings of disappointment she asks a question and gets exasperated and angry at me when I try to either explain what I think would be the right answer or tell her to ask the doc at her next appointment (she’s 92!) … So I just have to walk away.. then I go thru the conversation in my mind replaying it over again ..hoping I didn’t say anything off color or hurtful… is anyone else dealing with this? Then when my sister and boyfriend
stop over she’s a completely different person..
she gets all dressed up puts on make up and does her hair.. I asked her why she does that for them and with me acts like a dying duck so to speak.. she just laughed! I think I’m being played… I was told by a neurologist she has mild to moderate dementia about four months ago… I don’t know- it seems like she knows what she’s saying/doing…(I’m her caregiver)…anyone else been treated this way? I’ve stopped answering her questions…
Thanks for reading my post..
I agree with Barb that she may be frustrated by too much detail in your explanations that she finds impossible to follow.
I also agree she is showtiming for guests, not playing u.
yes to Teepa Snow videos.
It's worth it to try to simplify your explanations to see if it helps. If she continues being argumentative, then, it becomes clear that she doing what MANY folks with dementia do--being nasty to those closest and doing the most.
To me, that's a signal to either bring in more hired help or get the person into a facility, because you can't change THEIR behavior.
However ‘showtiming’? It usually means putting on a show to impress or cover up how bad things are, often to a doctor. It takes a lot of energy, and is quite tiring, with a let-down afterwards. It may be showtiming if your sister and her BF only visit occasionally as a special event, and M really wants to cover up her problems. If it’s a regular thing, I’d be suspicious – you may still be being played!
With you, I think I would avoid getting into the weeds with detailed explanations, because likely mom isn't understanding what you're saying and she misperceiving that as being argumentative.
I found with my mom, who had dementia, I tried to pitch answers, especially to medical questions, as though I was answering a 6 year old--badic facts, reassurance and lots of "let's ask the doctor about that."
Being a caregiver to someone with dementia is not a task for the faint-hearted; it takes loads of understanding about what is going inside the other person's head.
Look up Teepa Snow. She's got some great videos on joiing the reality of the person with dementia.
She isn’t avoiding the smiles and make-up because you hurt her feelings. She’s treating sister (and particularly boyfriend) better because she is taking you for granted and enjoys making you feel inadequate. It’s up to you whether or not you put up with it.