After this long year to get mom and dad into skilled nursing, (from the struggle to get on Medicaid, hiring an elder law firm, bouncing from assisted living to snf, dad in and out of the hospital, surgeries, etc....), my parents have been in the SNF together since the summer.
Now, Mom's talking about wanting to go back to her home country. Between yelling at me to give her hundreds of $$ each month she also tells the staff and everyone who will listen that she's going back to her home country. When I ask her who is planning this with her, she can't give me an answer. I ask her, "When?" "Who is buying the ticket?" "What about your medication?" "Who is taking you back to your home there?" "Who will watch you 24/hrs a day?" She has no answers.
She even demanded last month I give her $6k. When I asked why, she didn't say. "Just give it to me!" She would yell... I found out later it was for three plane tickets for herself and her brother and his wife. (The two are of retirement age, have health problems and have barely any money due to gambling.)
I talked to family in her home country and it's a very run-down small community. 2 hours from the best hospital. Local Doctors are private pay. My niece admitted that they're not very good. And family there don't own a car and rely on the community for transportation if its available.
Everyone has told her moving back to her country is probably not safe for her. When we lay it out, she understands but over time she gets frustrated and wants to go anyway. Phone conversations have been strained between us.
Recently, a doctor saw my Mom and it's gone on her medical record that she is beginning to show signs that she cannot make decisions clearly. She's forgetful and confused. She is an amputee and cannot walk. I can't imagine how a half-a-day plane trip would go.
On one hand I understand she's getting older and this is a sign of that but on the other, I feel sad that she's so frustrated and unhappy at the SNF. My Dad is there with her but its little comfort.
My grandparents are buried in her home country and I imagine she will eventually want to be interred near them. It's another thing gnaws at my emotions.
I feel like I'm the only one concerned about her health. It's a tricky balance. At the SNF, she has round-the-clock care but she's unhappy. If she moves back, (I assume) she would be happier in her home country but she'd be living in a third-world community.
My husband tries to bring reality into it for me. Saying that if she moved back, she would probably be unhappy about something else. Maybe even ask to come back to the U.S.!
I just don't know how to navigate my feelings about this.