Follow
Share

knowing i had a morgage and home of my own she offered to pay me she also had planned to hire someone on the weekends but when her health to a quick decline i had to do the weekends to my brother is P.O.A and dont want to leave work to care for her but thinks i can do it although she has the income to do what me and her had agreed to.

This question has been closed for answers. Ask a New Question.
My biggest concern here is that your mother is old and may not live much longer. It would be giving up a permanent job with benefits to take a short-term job without any. What kind of parent would ask their child to hurt themselves like that so the parent won't have to change? The consequences of the parent making changes are a lot easier to live with. The parent will get good care, socialization, home maintenance, and all the things that go with a senior community. The daughter will get to keep her job. Why would anyone want to stay in their home when the costs become too high?? If she wants to stay there, then hiring some help makes a lot more sense.
Helpful Answer (4)
Report

Yes. The OP was asked by her mother to leave her job and care for her during the weeks, with compensation. The agreement was that there would be a hired caregiver at weekends. The mother's health has sharply declined and her care needs have therefore increased; the POA brother is baulking at the paid caregiver idea; so that all in all what the OP agreed to - limited care responsibilities, Monday to Friday - is not what is now taking place - intensive caregiving, day in day out. There has been mission creep.

RB, have you made any progress since?
Helpful Answer (1)
Report

Looks to me like you have already said yes and are caring for your mother. Sounds like it is not turning out as you thought. I am not sure I have the details correct. Perhaps you can fill us in?
Helpful Answer (2)
Report

You are getting ready to create possibly the worst situation you could imagine. DO NOT DO IT! There are so many things wrong with this I find it hard to know where to start. First, only you know your family dynamics. Why is your brother POA but you are chosen to do the grunt work? Is it because he is male? Imagine every penny you request to help you and care for your mother being decided by someone who is not in the trenches and has no understanding of the needs and stress of caregiving. Since they have the money to take care of your mother, what they are asking you to do is reprehensible.The value you place on your life, on your future, on your freedom will not be compensated for by them - can not be compensated by them. People tend to forget that has we care for our aging parents - we age. What happens if in a moment you get sick and are unable to care for her. Who will care for you? How long are you really thinking your mother will live? Be honest. Now take that number and add ten or fifteen years. Now what have you provided for your life, your future, your retirement at this point?
Helpful Answer (3)
Report

Just say NO.
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

As others have said above, quitting your job is a bad idea. Getting back into the workforce after your mother passes (or enters a nursing home) will be next to impossible. The loss to you of income, savings, social security credits and other benefits will be more than you can ever recover. Of course she would prefer you to be the caregiver, but she is only focused on her own preference, not the costs to you. If she can afford paid caregivers, then she should hire them and you should continue your paid work for as long as it's beneficial to you.
Helpful Answer (2)
Report

Agree with the posts above. Quitting your job is extreme - talk to your brother about hiring CG's to come in to assist.
Would you ever ask any of your children to quit their jobs and career to take care of you? That in my opinion is an unreasonable request.
Helpful Answer (3)
Report

Dear rbailey,

I know you love your mom and want to help her. And you have very good intentions, but I have to agree with the others. Please think carefully about what you're doing. If your mother has money then I think it would be better to hire her a caregiver. I would hate to see you quit your job and then become resentful or angry with your mother in the future. Even if your mom is willing to compensate your financially, I think eventually the emotional toll would be too much.
Helpful Answer (4)
Report

Just say no gently.There is no way to tell how long the care will last and no one can replace what you will lose if you resign from the job market. Unemployed are not usually considered for jobs. Leaving a job that has benefits and retirement will put you in a bad position long term. Have POA hire someone and visit as much as you can. Also, you are not a professional caregiver and your Mother will eventually need someone that is trained for advanced caregiving. My Father had his significant other as his caregiver and she became overwhelmed quickly as there is too much to do on a daily basis plus she lost her health benefits. Tell your Mother you are not a professional caregiver and it would be SAFER to have someone else do the job.
Helpful Answer (4)
Report

Tell her no and that she can't pay you enough to afford it, pay for your health insurance and put money into your own retirement. Your mom is trying to F.O.G. you into doing this using Fear, Obligation and Guilt. Don't fall for the trap.

You don't have to do the weekends. Have her or your brother who is the POA hire someone and pay for it with her money, not yours.
Helpful Answer (6)
Report

You can say "no". No one can make you quit your job.

You don't "have" to do anything you don't want to do.

And caregiving without having POA yourself is very unwise.
Helpful Answer (6)
Report

This question has been closed for answers. Ask a New Question.
Subscribe to
Our Newsletter