Mom argues with me about her medication. She swears she took it, but the pills are still right there in the little dish I set out. Advice?

I have the same problem with my wife. I talked to her doctor about this and was told to do my best but you really can't force her.

In your mom's mind, she did take her medication. She doesn't know any better. I would suggest your yourself administer her taking her meds, or have a nurse or someone else do it.

meds have serious side effects. they will not prolong her life. and will I fact make her suffering greater in the end result.
perhaps your Mother is wiser than you realize

xdx83xdj: You have stated that "you tried to reason with her." Therein lies the answer and that is that your mother has a broken brain and all sense of reason is non existent, unfortunately. Perhaps the medications will have to be dosed differently, think in pudding or applesauce IF possible.

It sounds like by now she has an advanced case of dementia and I would get her some full time in home help or send her to a care facility. I think she is no longer able to take care of herself adequately.

Firstly, the pills. How many are really needed? Discuss with Doctor. What actually improves her life? What can be discontinued?

Mom. Faulty memory = faulty ability to take pills. Her personality decides if she will meekly let you decide for her or to decide for herself.

You. How important is Mom taking her pills to you? It does NOT mean you are a 'bad' caregiver if she does not! (Just means she won't take her pills).

Just have you have adjusted from Mom dishing out her own pills to having them dished out for her, the next choice has arrived.

Either YOU choose:
take your best Nurse-in-Charge assertive manner & say "It's time for your pills. Take them now please. Thankyou Ma'am". Then march on with your day.

Or, you let MOM choose:
Put pills into a little med cup, show her, leave them with her. She takes them. Or not.

Even in a care setting, people have the right to refuse pills. Med chart is noted *refused*. Offered again next round.

Have a think about what direction suits your & your Mom's values.

I know exactly where you're coming from. I argued and fought a battle that I could never win. It was also a case of taking too many tabs or not taking any at all.

My mom has been on high blood pressure tablets for years. She will still tell a doctor that she takes her tab everyday but this has not been the case for almost 3 years now. I will tell the doctor on the side that this is not the case.

I was given the advise and decided to buy a BP monitor and if she is displaying any dizziness or light headed symptoms, I take her BP just to check if there is any potential risk. So far these have all been false alarms.

Mom basically weened herself off these tablets years ago and arguing with her will only cause anguish for both of us. Usually more for me than for her.

Dementia sufferers can be very cold emotionally. The loving parent we once knew is no longer there. We need to understand that the only emotions displayed are for there own purposes. Sadness, scared, and anger. So in essence what I'm trying to say is let your mom do what she wants. It's not worth the upset unless the medication is 100% necessary. These old people are physically way stronger than we think.

All the best with your mom.

Hi xdx:

It can be frustrating and overwhelming when you're trying to help a senior adult maintain a standard of living. Both my mom whose 98 and my disabled sister in her 60's used to fight with me about medication on a regular basis. Medication time has become the standard for breakfast - lunch and dinner. I stopped asking mom if she took her medication instead I ask has she finished her breakfast? (everything). I call them down for supper to take their medicine and dinner is on the table. It's become a ritual. Taking care of two senior adults is again overwhelming but fighting with them about doing exactly what the doctor says sometimes infuriates me. They talk real nice to the doctor but when they get home it's a battle for attention. I've resigned to recognize that sometimes they just need some additional attention so "medication time" is also meal time. No one leaves the table until the medicine is taken. There is a very specific schedule for "taking medication" and it's delivered with a hot meal three times a day. Sometimes I'm just agreeable. "I know you took your medicine but that was your breakfast medicine. I need you to take your dinner medicine!". Every once in a while it turns into a dialogue on what the medication is for even though they've been taking it for many many years. I've found that one of the greatest difficulties at being a full time care giver after retiring from 40 years of law is just knowing and remembering to step back and relax and them gently remind them what they must do. Drink water, eat healthy and take your medicine. Sometimes a gentle reminder helps even the most difficult patient, parent or relative move in the right direction.

With my Mom if she was responding that way, I could say, "Yes, you are right and yes I believe you took those. Now it is time to take these pills. Could you please do that?"

This was the year back in 2013 when my 93-year-old mother was in a nursing home. Her doctor had prescribed sleeping medication that was given out by assigned staff, then Mom had to sign for it on a form for their records because she always forgot she had taken them.

My sweet lady would also state she took her pills. I started filling pill containers for am and pm weekly. Sometimes the am pills were not taken until after 12pm. After trying to explain they had to be taken w/ breakfast (food), she took them for a week or so and then she'd go back to taking them after noon and we'd repeat the converstion. Finally I realized I was experiencing insanity (doing the same thing and expecting different results), and becoming frustrated. Hurt feelings were also becoming part of my story b/c I thought she was intentionally not listening to me or ignoring me. Then, after moments of selfishness and self pity, I remembered that her disease is progressing and rationalizing with her, "parenting" her, trying to convince her, educating her, nor manipulating the situation were not going to help the situation. She did not understand, nor did she need to be forced to. The solution became to give her meds to her when she's eating breakfast like they are part of the routine. Her caregivers went along with the plan, and it's working out so far.

Good luck.
In my opinion, we are fortunate to be caring for our loved ones and continuing to grow.

Started with the 7 day pill holders. She would argue that Friday was Tuesday, etc, so I switched to giving one day at a time. Then she’d argue the time of day. As I could only be there 2 of 3 pill times, I tried hiring a PSW, to witness the morning pills. She furiously fought having a PSW, although the woman was wonderful. Pills had to be witnessed because, while cleaning, I had found pills tucked in odd places. Behind a photo frame, in a cupboard, in a stack of papers, in a tea cup, in an envelope... I asked her why she hadn’t been taking her pills and she informed me very matter-of-factly that, had the Dr. wanted her to take them, he’d have explained that to her himself, in person. Fortunately only the levothyroxine is life critical.

After telling me for years that she is fine and I am the one with cognitive issues, a medical crisis landed her in the hospital where she was assessed as having advanced dementia. She is in respite care, waiting on a NH room.

Oh boy, I remember those times…when she becomes fussy and forgetful about managing her own medication, I learned that she has stepped into the next level of her dementia. My mother began to leave tablets in the elaborate daily tablet boxes (AM, afternoon, PM) I left them in for her to take. Later on, I would find that even if she took them out of the tablet boxes, she would squirrel them all over her room, wrapped up in tissue paper, stuffed inside drawers, in her pajama pockets, under her pillow, everywhere! Drove me crazy too, as she would insist the same exact thing, that she took her meds. What solved it for both of us was that I finally talked to her doctor to minimize her medicines to only the most essential ones she really has to take and made sure to watch her or have someone watch her actually take the medication. Eventually, even that no longer worked…she began to spit them out and again wrap them in tissue paper. So her medication is now ground up in her applesauce and fed to her. Each stage is a level of aggravation, but you deal with it the best you can, with the help of her doctor or nurse, and find a solution that will be agreeable to her and still help her. I send you energies of encouragement for this part of your caregiving adventure.

Invest in an electronic pill minder that drops the pills at the set time, and beeps until the pills are removed from the machine. Buy from Amazon with a 30 day return policy if it doesn't work for you because they are pricey.

Of course, that doesn't ensure she takes the pills. But, my strategy is to use technology for any cues I possibly can. My mom doesn't argue with the calendar reminders on her phone, or prompts from the Alexa like she does with me.

If you choose to go the more personal route, I would not discuss the pills. Simply set them out for her to take at the right time. No discussion, distraction or argument. You'd be surprised at how easy it might be when you disengage.

My mother in law used to do the same thing. Her doctor ordered as many of her meds as possible in liquid form, which the pharmacy had no problem doing. Also, He prescribed meds that were actual formulated to melt in her mouth. worked like a charm.

My experience with my husband leads me to conclude that the silly arguments are just to keep me there and talking to him. I'm so busy, taking care of literally everything, that he does what he can to hold me in place. Kind of like a pet or very small child, doing mischievous things to make you pay attention.

He only takes vitamin pills - no medications yet - so I don't worry as much, but if I see them sitting there on their little red plate, I just remind him and offer a glass of water.