Should I carry on visiting my Mom (88), who has been diagnosed with dementia and gets angry about why she's in a care home when I visit?

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She had several falls before Christmas, and came to stay with me when she had an infection, but it became obvious that she needed 24/7 care after she fell, fractured vertebrae and ended up in hospital where she had an mri scan and memory test which revealed mixed dementia. Social Services were involved and found a home near to my house, where she could have 4 weeks respite care before we make a decision about her future. We have visited regularly, but sometimes Mum is angry, upset, accuses us of not telling her the truth and plotting to get rid of her, as she can't remember being at mine, in hospital, or any of the discussions with the social worker etc. I wonder if she'd settle better if I didn't visit, as she oftenseems to get really agitated when I'm there. I feel really guilty about leaving here there, but realise I can't provide 24/7 care. I'm weepy and drained by what's happening, and wondering what to do for the best.

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I'm not one of those folks who says don't visit for two weeks. Has her doctor considered some antidepressant medication? Sometimes that works wonders with the kinds of dementia symptoms you mention.

In addition, be aware of the toll that this awful disease your mom has is having on you! Talk to your doctor about how to best care for yourself. Limit your visits both in frequency and length. Read about dementia and how to cope with mom's specific symptoms. I often find myself seeing a picture of my mom's last brain scan in my mind s eye. You can see how broken it is!
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