Mom and step dad have a decent retirement income and savings, but in the past year have started withdrawing large sums of cash. Suggestions?

Our Dad had responded to a few mail scams & I was noticing a little confusion in processing his bills so my brother, who is POA, had our Dad's mail re-routed. We had all his utility, insurance, tax bills rerouted to his bank & they are paying them directly. Everything else comes to me & I take it to him every few weeks.

IMHO. buying silver is NOT going to give them the huge windfall that they expect. That should be halted. Having a difficult time discerning a $5 bill from a $50 bill is frightening - not to mention carrying on their person(s) large sums of cash! They are a walking target for crime!!

G1952 - out of curiosity, what is the situation with other siblings?
Your FIL is not actually your hubs father but is a step-father, right?
& hubs mom is actually few years older & worse off than FiL, right?

Could it be the case that FILs kids will not be supportive of his paying or using “his $$$” for moms care for the day when she needs to go into a facility? What’s your heart 2 heart take on all this?
I’ve been on this site for quite a while and it’s a rare situation where the kids from prior marriages view the 2nd or 3rd spouse as a tru partner to their parent. What seems to happen is prior marriage kids give lip service in “we just oh so love MeeMaw” but will cut her out of a penny if they can. Would this describe any of his kids or better yet.... their spouses?

If you think this might be lurking, please please get your hubs to find a new attorney (I’d go CELA level) to discuss if best conservatorship or guardianship for his mom and let them come up with options as to how to deal with her future LTC Medicaid application. LTC Medicaid for when there is the NH spouse (his mom) & staying in the community spouse (FIL would be a CS) is just imho not a simple or straightforward process. It’s pretty daunting and each state has its own unique system. There’s going to be a separation of each of their incomes but it’s joint on all assets but how to do best for Medicaid varies. Plus the CS is going to do some sort of CSRA or MMNA (these are resource allowances - kinda like old school style alimony), & yeah this too varies by state. If you live in another state and his kids will likely be 1 sided when it comes to $ & assets, you & hubs will just have to get an attorney to represent your hubs moms interests.

At 91 & w/dementia, his mom is not going to get any better.
At 89, getting cash withdrawals & not recognizing if it’s $5 or $50, your FIL is going to be fleeced.
There’s going to be a fall or fire or other situation that places 1 needing a facility immediately. Hubs needs to get pit-bullie proactive for both his moms & his FIL health, safety & security. And that means getting a new attorney & soon. It’s not a DIY. We can share with you insight on our own experiences, but you need a new attorney to do what’s needed & soon. Good luck.

Grams keep us updated. I worry for yor mom & FIL. Did you ever quietly take the credit card away? See what's coming in the mail? Find out the #s calling the home phone? Or put a cam out to catch a suposid friend coming over?

Ok so who is going to tell on you if you take credit card/checkbook away? The person with dementia? You dont let them see you took it. You tell them it must be somewhere. You have to get banking info away so they cant call the bank.
We just took my dads away. He didnt know. Gave him a few bucks to spend at pharmacy.

Jasima: Wow - but I'm not surprised that your father did this. I've seen it happen. My mother pulled out her wallet (large) when she wasn't even at the register to pay. One other time she dropped it on the ground and didn't even realize it. She was a legally blind woman, who had trouble with money and other things.

Nigerian scams arent the only scams out there. My dad got a call from some guy from Jamaica. He had called and befriended my dad. Very quickly. My sis told him to quit calling, and gave him an earful. Sneaky guy started calling random day and night times hoping he would pick up. So telling him off didnt work. I dont kno if his # was blocked. It was old rotary phone. My mom had to put the volume very low so dad wouldnt hear it. He lost his hearing aid. It was bad bc mom still worked full time. So he was home alone. They make cold calls to find a lonely bored elderly person. She had to stop work bc of that and he couldnt be trusted at home alone.
I had a guy call me one time demanding my soc security #. I just laughed and he got angrier and threatening. So can you imagine an elderly person getting scared. Sad.

Go to court. Its time.

In some cases a bank officer will help. Tell them you suspect a scam and they will look into it. Can't your husband just look at the bank statement?

Before you should do anything, you need a sit-down with them to find out what's going on. POA is good for only paying bills, signing docs for them, etc. under their permission. Stopping their payments to anyone can only be done if the court has declared them incompetent.
It's an uphill battle to get a court to give you guardianship. That takes away ALL their rights, including voting, receiving mail, money from any source, etc. The guardian must approve (and order) everything, even medical care. I don't know about conservatorship. That may be different.
Questions to be answered:
If all their bills are paid automatically from their checking account, does their account hold enough to cover rising costs, so they withdraw from savings to cover them? (My own monthly costs have gone up $200/month over the last year. SSI went up $45.)
Have they had enough in checking to cover unusual yearly expenses, such as taxes, medical costs or prescriptions not covered by Medicare, auto repairs, an updated wardrobe?
Have they contracted for an expense, such as a newer vehicle, a stairlift to a second floor, uncovered medical equipment?
You can ask these questions in a way that preserves their dignity and their rights to spend their money until they are completely incompetent..
Or are they spending down so they will qualify for Medicaid when the time comes? After all, they are in their 90s.

15 years ago my elderly parents would take out $700 cash the 1st of every month. It was for Sunday breakfast after church, lunch out once a week, shopping (food, health & beauty, whatever else), hair cuts, Mom’s beloved Tuesday-night bingo ($5, that’s all she spent), and maybe a small tip for someone helping them. Anything left over at the end of the month went into a jar to be used if they ran short another month. That is just how that generation that grew up during the Depression lived — checks for bills, cash for everything else. They finally agreed to a credit card for gas because it was easier for them. Looking back, at that time, Dad had the beginnings of dementia & Mom was more “with it”. Some habits just don’t change.

I take cash out every 2 weeks for my husband & I for various expenses. And all our bills are on auto-pay as well — those bills that can be. Am sharing this because it could be innocent.