My mom & another resident both have dementia. They think they're married and go to bed together. Who decides if they need to be separated?

When I was touring facilities that I was considering for mom I saw a couple like that.

I was fortunate to have the head nurse give me the tour. She didn’t normally give the tours but the owner of the facility that normally did it was out that day due to an emergency in her family.

This couple started a romance at the facility. I thought they were married and made a few comments about them. They were hugging and kissing each other, but bickered too. They were arguing in the arts and crafts area. The woman didn’t like his craft project and
the fireworks began!

The nurse told me they were an imaginary ‘couple.’ She distinctly said that they did not allow them to sleep together.

They likely aren't able to consent to what they're doing, so the facility has an obligation to keep them apart.

One of them may need to move elsewhere if keeping them apart isn't feasible.

The administrator decides the rules. If they are causing chaos and distress for the other residents, then they will have to be separated for the good of ALL. It's unlikely they can have a 'healthy' relationship with dementia present and considering the two of them bicker so much. Jealousy about speaking to other residents isn't a good sign of a healthy relationship either. They're better off being and staying separated, it sounds like.

Yes, staff can make this decision, and inform family of a need for separation of these two. It appears they have already defined their relationship and it is disruptive to the community as a whole.

As long as dementia hasn't diminished their ability to make reasonable decisions, there's not much anyone can do. Once they can't do that, they're unable to consent to relationships. Finding "friends with benefits" in a care facility is something you don't expect your LO will experience. Having a family meeting is a good idea. Maybe something can be worked out.

Your profile indicates this is assisted living. It may be getting time for one or both people to move to memory care.

After my mom died my dad moved into memory care and was convinced this other lady was mom. Staff kept in eye on them, no troubles except dad would get kissy with her. This was in a memory care unit. But they hung out, had meals together, no big deal.

It doesn’t sound to me that these folks are getting any benefit from the situation if they’re bickering all the time.

I would work with staff on this. Ultimately staff has a right to do what they feel is best and protect residents but they should involve the family.

Not really much the staff or u can do about it. My daughter worked rehab/NHs for 20 yrs and this is common. To the point 2 of her residents felt they were married to each other and fought the staff if they tried to separate them. Both had living spouses. As long as they aren't hurting anyone allow them to enjoy what they can.