Here for advice. What does a POA do? I have one for both parents. My dad is the main caregiver giver of my mom and also have In Home Care 7 days a week. My mom 77 yearls old does not have a diagnosis of Alzheimers yet but she does not have short term memory so thinking is coming. She is fragile and not able to take care of herself.
My dad soon turning 79 years old, she is the opposite. Super healthy and strong. Has done a good job taking care of her along with In Home Care plus us 3 daughters looking after them mainly weekends.
I learned last night, dad is having a relationship with one of the caregivers from In Home care services.
What can I do? The woman is in her 60’s I think. The feeling of devastation is an understatement but need to put these aside as really want to concetrate on advise. Worry about caregiver doing something bad to my mom. How do I confront the situation? Legally, does the POA any good to show my dad in endangering my mom. Do I report her right away. I understand I cannot force my dad to stop that relationship but dont want that lady caring for my mom anymore. Help.
I haven't read the other responses here, but I do see you had a discussion with your dad. I'd ask to check his bank and credit card statements and if anything isn't right, then you call the police and alert his bank and credit reporting agencies immediately.
No ethical caregiver should have a personal relationship with a client. Period. Full Stop.
I agree that a lawyer is needed.
You don't start a relationship with the husband of the wife you were hired to care for.
If the care giver was on the up and up she would have removed herself from moms care because of this relationship instead of behaving like a prostitute and getting paid to take care of mom and dad too.
As it is the daughters need to tell the care giving agency they want her removed from moms care and a new care giver put in her place.
You could not be more wrong. True that the caregiver should have not started up a romantic relationship with the client's husband. But it happens all the time.
The daughters need to mind their own business about their father's business.
It is not for them to pin a scarlet letter on this caregiver and report her to her agency which will result in her being fired.
That could very easily result in their father disowning them, changing the POA, and not allowing them to see their mother. This can happen too.
If the caregiver does good work and the wife with dementia gets along with her, there is no need to press things.
This is messy. But I think seeking understanding and cooperation with your dad - even if that's the last thing you feel like doing - is the best first move. Can you discuss with him to find out how strong his feelings are for her and how serious he views this relationship? Can you tell him how you feel in terms of this being a "conflict of interest" without cussing him out? Tell him the CG must go, and you hope he understands why.
I feel for you.
*Ope. Just read the part about your planned discussion with your dad. I hope it went better than you expected.
Yes, dad has cheated before and mom chose to turn a blind eye. But this is not simply a mistress. This is someone charged with administering mom's meds and providing intimate care, I presume.
There is a non-zero chance of the caregiving neglecting or harming mom. There is also a non-zero chance that Dad's judgement is impaired and he's being snowed and fleeced by this woman.
That's what I'm seeing.
And then there was my uncle who married his wife’s live in CG two years after his wife passed. He was 83. She was 57.
They were married until he passed at 94. Very happily married. She has not remarried.
She has been a real blessing to my family.
I have no idea when their relationship began but she was a live in for several years before his first wife passed.
Secure anything that has any personal information in/on it.
If you think that your mom is at risk for being harmed by either your dad or any of the caregivers you remove her and place her in Assisted Living. (Memory Care if that would be more appropriate.)
How did you learn of this relationship?
Do you know how far it has progressed?
You can request that this caregiver be replaced by another.
If you are asked you can tell the agency what you have learned if you are 100% sure that this is happening. If there is any doubt at all then just say that "there is a personality conflict".
You can tell your dad that you are asking that this person be replaced and why.
"Thank you for your advise. We did dad. We had a conversation and he promised, he'll take care of it. We are giving him sometime and then check again. He knows what he is doing is wrong but more important, he knows, we'll intervine if we feel my mom is not well taking care of.
lary casey."
Dad has been caring for Mom for a while. It is very unprofessional of this Caregiver to have a relationship with your father. She is there to care for Mom, not go after her husband. I would be concerned that she is after him for his money. Not much you can do since he is competent but I would talk to a Elder Lawyer about protecting your Moms half of the assets. I would also call the agency and tell the Supervisor what is going on. Tell them you prefer this woman not look after your Mom. Ask that it not be mentioned to Dad that u made the call. You are Moms POA and your protecting Mom. You will hope they use discretion when taking this caregiver off the case.
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