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I need some ideas or recommendations. The very short story: My mother lives in independent care. She has significant depression and anxiety. She takes 4-5 psychotropic medications. Three OT assessments indicate some cognitive issues.She was an alcoholic. She began secretly drinking again and suffered 2 head traumas due to it. Per her doctor’s support, I took away her car keys. One OT also supported the decision.


She hides information from me, is extremely angry with me and has become verbally and physically aggressive. Because of this, I stopped seeing her a couple weeks ago to give her space. Today, I found out she was attempting to get a set of keys made at the car dealership. I know her friends take her places. She tells them that she does not know why she can’t drive. But she doesn’t tell them the rest of the story. My mother is very sneaky and manipulative.


I don’t think she should drive for multiple reasons. Do I confront her? Do I talk with her friends? The car is still at the apartment. I could take it away. Should I do that?


Any ideas are welcome. (BTW I am her power of attorney.)

Yes take the car away. Sell it but park it somewhere she wont find it right away. I say where she wont find it because she may very well get a friend to take her to your house for instance to "pick up" the car or openly get someone to drive her around to the places you might have taken it.
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Reply to Lymie61
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Yes, take the car away now, before she hurts someone. You have POA which means that you take over if she's impaired, which she is.

She's drinking again, has head injuries, is on several psychotropic medications, is cognitively impaired and a doctor has recommeneded she not drive. The DMV would revoke her license for any one of these and she has five.

In most states anyone can report a dangerous driver to the DMV, often anonymously and it doesn't always a have to be a doctor. But not having a license probably wouldn't stop her so take away the car.

I just went this with my 91 yo mom--her driving was terrifying, I reported her anonymously because she wouldn't stop driving. The DMV required a Visual Field eye exam, turns out she's almost blind so they revoked her license. But she kept driving for almost a year. I told my bulldozer sister that if mom hurt anyone most of her money would be awarded in a judgment and there'd be nothing to inherit. Within a month the whole family pressured her into selling the car.
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Reply to Davina
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You need to have the doctor report her to DMV. The combination of her meds and alcohol is not good. Then you should sell the car, either privately or back to the dealer. Mom may owe the difference between the sale and what is owed if being financed.
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Reply to JoAnn29
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You are correct by saying she is manipulative. All addicts are manipulative. It’s a disease. Is she wanting to drive to buy alcohol?

I would confront your mom and her friends. They may not know of her drinking problem and she has lied about others to achieve what she desires.

Best of luck to you. Take care.
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Reply to NeedHelpWithMom
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Confront her. Have the police come buy and explain why she should not drive and what could happen if she does. (I'd tell them in advance her medical condition.)

I would also confront her friend. I'd tell her what she did was wrong and the medical reasons why, plus I would tell her what she did was stupid because it was.

Next, I'd find some way to disable the car so it will not run after she puts the keys in.

Has she been tested for how competent she is?
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Reply to cmagnum
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