Momma gets agitated and then lashes out at me by repeating unkindly remarks from siblings. - AgingCare.com

Momma gets agitated and then lashes out at me by repeating unkindly remarks from siblings.

Follow
Share

This has been going on since we lost Dad - five years plus. I take care of her finances and homecare. I do not live we her. I have a housekeeper that comes over for additional hours to take care of things and clean her house. My brother and sister live in the same city - brother is little help - sister is none. What happens is that family members - brother, sister and sister in law tell Momma things about me like I do not want to have anything to do with the family and my husband and I do not want to come and visit her. I don't speak with my sister and I am enraged with my brother. I have an attitude. Momma believes all of these things eventhough we have talked to her many, many times about it and have explained that what they are trying to do is get Momma and I against one another so they can get money out of her. A way to deceive. When Momma gets agitated and does not like what I am saying to her at that time - she lashes out and repeats these comments right back at me. It is bad enough that my brother, sister and sister in law talk about me like a dog but very hurtful when it is my Momma. My husband and I do feel like she has some form of dementia. I have talked about that before on this forum but she has not been to the doctor - good luck on that. I know - let it roll - ignore it etc. etc. Well, when you have been lashed out and beat down for over five years it wears you down. My question is if we do get her to a doctor is there some type of medication or something they can give her to control her getting agitated and having outbursts? Down right mean. Yes - alot of times when you talk to her the next time - she does not remember. Don't know if she is doing this to brother and sister, but she is doing it to me.

This question has been closed for answers. Ask a New Question.
16

Answers

Show:
If a family member was stealing from my parent, I would CERTAINLY file charges. By stealing, they've violated the bonds of family trust.
Helpful Answer (1)
Report

Yes i did tell the advisor what was going on. We have had more than one conversation about this - like last year when momma took out 42000.00 and did not tell me. Again - it is her money. He is saying that i have to have her declared incompedent - which means from what the attorney told me i have to take her to the doctor - doctor says yes she is incompedent - file a petition with the courts - the beneficiarys and momma have to be notified and then she is stripped of everything.
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

I'd get a second opinion. It must be possible for her investments to be placed so that access to her funds is restricted. Also, I'm interested - did you tell this advisor what was happening? What was the response?
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

Oh and we do go see her when we can. We live 4 hours away and my husband works a full time job. For that matter I even go pick her up sometimes and drive all the way up to her cabin in TN which is at least a six hour trip for me one way to spend time with her. If I ask my siblings about these things that they are saying about me - they will deny it or act like I don't know what I am talking about. When we do go over there and everybody is there - everything is just fine. Plenty of hugs and kisses! Games - nothing but playing games!
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

No i can't do anything with her iras from what the financial advisor is telling me. If i rolled them over or changed the account names it would be considered a distribution. On the pre college classez - they are funded by the govenment - they are free. For family - i didn't think you were suppose to lie and manipulate money out of your mil.
Helpful Answer (1)
Report

Why are you listening to your uncle in regards to what to do about knowledge of forgery and benefits fraud? I think you know what the right thing to do is.
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

It could be that the classes involved incidental expenses - for equipment or field trips or whatever, maybe?

But in any case. I have a real problem with colluding with actual crime. And forgery, and benefits fraud... these are crimes. Not just bad manners or brattish behaviour. I don't know how your uncle thinks it's okay to sweep them under the carpet.

I know nothing at all about how IRAs or any of these financial products work. Can you wind up these investments and transfer them to more secure accounts?
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

I don' know if you call it extra gravy or not but this time it was only $3000.00 . What i am worried about is that now they know momma can get money from her ira's - what is goung to stop her from asking for 20000.00 or 40000.00. As long as she has the money in her account the cpa will give it to her. Yes it is her money. As the forged checks went - i talked to my uncle and he said to bring it up the next time we are over there and if it happened again to press charges. I didn't press charges this time but will next time. So what i received was backlash from sister in law. Sister in law is a peice of work. She told momma that my neice was taking advanced classes in high school next year - true - but they needed 600.00 a month to pay for the classes. Momma didn't know and i didn't either - they are free! She was just trying to get money out of momma. She even lied about her and my brother not being married so she would receive more of a disability check. Goes over to momma's house and crys - makes her feel sorry for her.
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

So, when you say you take care of your mother's finances, isn't the important question does she have enough that you control to support herself and take care of her needs? Are the investments she's still able to access just gravy, or will she need that money?

Actually, that's not the important thing (what was I thinking?). Your sister in law forged your signature on a check? That is open-and-shut criminal fraud. What did you do about it?
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

My husband and I think/feel like it is dementia. My uncle thought it was too but no we have not had her evaluated. As to whether or not my brother, sister and sister in law are saying these nasty remarks about me - yes they are. The reason is - MONEY! They are trying to put a wedge against momma and I because they know if they can get momma on their side they can get money out of her a whole lot easier than me. A form to deceive. I am the trustee of my momma's estate and let's say the money is not flowing freely to them like it was in the past and they don't like it. Mind you they are all in their 50's. Never grew up - never going too. They just want to work on Momma and milk her for money and take advantage of her as much as they can. I try to protect her. Sister in law been working on Momma for over six months now for money. Tried to access a stock account that is her own daughter's. Even forged two checks out of Momma's checking account and signed Momma's name on one and my name on the other. Over a $1,000.00. Well sister in law got what she wanted - which was $3,000.00 to bail her out of gambling debts and doing other things that she is not telling anybody. Even her own husband. Momma gave in - as usual - and gave her the money out of her IRA - which is not in the trust - I don't have control over that. Now that they know that Momma can access her IRA's on her own - it will not stop. The IRA's is where most of Momma's nest egg is located. I have been to the attorney and have spoken with the CPA. Not anything I can do but have her incompedent and ask for a conservator which means she will be stripped of everything. She just does not understand any of this. It does not matter how many times you explain it. All you doing is beating your head up against a rock and my head is about to explode.
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

This question has been closed for answers. Ask a New Question.
Related
Questions