Mom, age 81 with dementia, has been in a wonderful memory residence for the past 7 months. It is a secured building, but there is freedom to come and go in the enclosed garden and connecting building. Most of the other residents have progressed farther in their dementia, so mom is one of the few "smart" ones. Two months ago, a new resident, a man named G, moved into the building, directly across the hall from mom's room. G is about at mom's cognitive level: can have a rational conversation, loves classic movies, reads the newspaper. Mom and G hit it off, and now he is spending most nights with her in her room. This week, mom told me on the phone that she and G are "thinking about the future." Mom does not really comprehend that she's in a locked building, she doesn't understand how long she's been there, and she thinks she's going home "soon." I'm happy she has a boyfriend, but already it has brought up some serious issues. Today, G invited mom to out lunch with his daughter. When G's daughter arrived, the daughter agreed to bring mom along. The aide on duty stopped them at the door and told them mom is only allowed to leave the building with mom's son or daughter. Yay for the aide! Boo on G's daughter! What on earth was she thinking? You can't just walk into a secured residence and take out the family members of people you've never met or spoken to! Mom was disappointed, and I'm afraid more disappointments are in store with this situation. Has anyone dealt with this type of situation? PS: I am 3,000 miles away from mom.
My own grandmother moved to a "rest home" and met a gentleman about her husband's height and weight. His wife was Mary as was grandmother. She called him her deceased husband's name, but he did not seem to mind. He took her to her room and kissed her goodnight on the cheek every night before returning to his own room. Very sweet. It made the years more pleasant for both of them I'm sure! They both progressed at about the same rate but he did pass first and she was a few months later.
If Mom wants to have a little fling, let her. It probably makes her days a little brighter and happier. In her mind, she is once again an alluring young woman. Just keep an eye and make sure Mom cannot hand over any financial power or anything else to him or his daughter.