Mom accusing Daddy of molestation/rape. Any advice ?

I think it's really important to listen and care for the caregiver, always, but in this case, especially. Not only is his job exhausting, but it's emotionally draining as well. He could definitely be at risk for being hit by her although she might not be able to hurt him physically, it's a terrible situation for him to have to deal with. I agree that the doctor has to be included first in any solutions. I love looking at caregiver support groups, day care, and home care if the last two are feasible. I'm an expert in senior housing and if she is combative (probably not - it's directed at your Dad) she won't be accepted in any non-medical communities unless they drug her up - and I never think that is the right kind of care for dementia. So - the doctor, day care(to give your Dad a break), and then placement. Good luck. But your Dad has to get help in his role or he could be the other victim.

I was wondering if maybe it is Lewy body dementia with Parkinson's. I'm sure the neurologist would have considered that, though. Some things you mentioned made me think of it.

Is there anyone who can give your father a week or two off? It sounds like he needs to get away for a while. Maybe while he is gone, the doctors can find something that calms your mother. It has to be very hard on your father to hear such awful accusations. I believe it would be good to let the doctor know about the accusations, too, when you're looking for something that works. It will show that no one is trying to hide anything while looking.

Dementia seems to go through phases where certain things happen. I hope that this phase of accusation passes soon. It is bad enough to be accused of stealing. I can't imagine what it must feel like to be accused of rape and molestation.

JessieBelle- How do they usually diagnose Lewy body? When we saw neuro last year they did a few MRIs and lots of bloodwork and a 24hr urine test. Also sent to neuropsychologist for testing since she was coming up in gray area as far as memory. The main reason they decided 'most likely' Early Onset Alz is because of her accusing us of stealing, saying people follow her, that we record her phone calls and video feed in house. They gave her Aricept and sent us in our way, no information at all. She did terrible on Aricept, began declining very rapidly(her mom has Alz and didn't do well on Aricept either) They wanted to send her to an aging center 200 miles away but daddy's insurance won't pay. They both just turned 60, so he can't retire yet, which I actually think is a good thing. I worry more about him and his health than her to be honest. She's being kept safe and comfortable, that's really all we can do since no chance of getting better. He's already had 2 heart attacks, the 1st resulting in triple bypass surgery so I worry about the stress on him. He's the most patient person on the planet. He never complains and rarely let's things get to him. That's how I know these accusations are really getting to him. All the other things we can just laugh off to ourselves, but I truly can't imagine how it feels to a man who's given his wife all the love and support for almost 40yrs to be accused of rape?!? I spoke with her dr Mon and he called in a prescription for Respridol 1mg. Hope we'll see changes soon.

My mother has vascular dementia and had a lot of paranoia. She is on a low dose of Risperdal and it has helped a lot. The paranoia no longer dominates her life. Let us know of it helps.

I think calling the doctor is wise. ALZ have paronoid problems.

I agree. ALZ patients can become very paranoid. My father i law would call our house and accuse my husband of taking all sorts of things, ie: toilet brush, spatula, money. his ruler. O could go on and on. I will tell you that if you place your mom in a facility, find one without an ALZ unit. It was the best thing we ever did. They placed him in mainstream with an ankle bracelet and he loved it. He was included in all activities. He talked to everyone and loved the activities even if some he could not do, he would just sit and talk with the caregivers or other patients. My aunt was placed in ALZ unit and they did nothing but put them in front of a TV all day. They sat and drooled on themselves.

Paranoid delusions are part of dementia unfortunately. Your poor dad.
Please reassure him frequently that nobody really thinks the accusations are true. He must feel emotionally rejected by her, which cuts to the bone. You always think that if your spouse becomes ill that you will be able to comfort them with nearness and affection if absolutely nothing else. To have that taken away is extremely sad and it hurts.

Risperidone/Risperdal is a very powerful anti-psychotic. Don't stop it suddenly and be very careful she gets it at the same time every day.
Make sure to note that if it's an extended release version, you can't dissolve it in anything or crush it up to hide it in food.

My mom is on it for her anger and paranoid delusions, and she is under 24/7 supervision. Two different doctors and her psychiatric nurse called me to make sure I understood the potential side effects - including death - before they would give it to her. The benefit outweighed the risks so I approved it. Mom was wild before. It is helping her significantly and I would not ask them to take her off it unless it was causing other problems.

I agree, call the doctor. To your mom this is very real, she maybe having hallucinations. She may also have an infection such as a UTI which can be corrected by antibiotics. There are medications that can help with the symptoms of dementia. Good luck and please keep us posted.

she may not know who he is or feels that their relationship is at an earlier stage in their life like when they started dating.

one case I know of, the daughter cared for her father after her mother died. she did look like her. when he was mixed up he would approach her sexually because he was confused.. the worst part was after he was able to understand, he went in and out of various levels of the dementia, hewould have to be told his wife died and he would start mourning all over again and feeling guilty about his daughter. her brothe rbecame the caretaker and the sexual component was taken out although he did grieve over and over. maybe you can have a female caretaker help her with personal things since she no longer understands the spouse role of your father.