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I find it interesting that some of folks here blame the government for today's raging and wrong-headed process - while I blame academics and professionals!

I guess my culture (Canadian) has less resistance to the idea of government as a good source of organization, a bully pulpit to educate people and use income we agree to send to provide services that cross different lines.

But I see the gap and refusal to listen to new information and evaluate it locally as rampant across the culture, and it makes all of us frustrated and feel powerless and treated as unimportant. I don't see the issue as related to government, except that they, like the rest of us, are becoming paralised by a culture of professionalism that relies less and less on common sense, and more and more on computerized lists of rules and rights and written guidelines, sometimes related to expenses, others to expectations - always long lists. I see similar issues in hospitals, and even many large companies like banks or the phone company.

To me this is a crisis of management and supervision, for working out the best ways to do that role is taken for granted or skipped. Instead of training supervisors to be middle people between top management and people on site, like family caregivers - people supervising or administering care or services are working within separate silos that never learn from other organizations, and only take in new information when directed from above, and they then they do a survey, for they have no idea how to evaluate insight or information as it comes in from real life and people.
involved.

If this overwhelm by mechanical and numerical forms of organization is what conservatives are referring to when they complain about big government, we are actually furious at the same thing!
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well what has that got to do with taking care of the elderly. Just today my mom started because things werent working out in her apartment that went wrong. I lost my patience and told her that isnt how an adult acts. I know I shouldnt have said that, But I did.
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Sorry to pami68, that my post may have not tied the point in to what I saw in the earlier conversation: that officials/professionals sometimes do not listen to families' explanations of their intentions - if an upset is reported - the persons receiving the report often have no leeway to use their judgment and ask enough questions to sort out whether this was a one time event, or a struggle in which a caring family member is temporarily stressed, or who doesn't know how to de-escalate an episode - everyone overdoes things in frustration sometimes - and I don't think it is a "government" blindness, as a couple of people here said - but a widespread blindness withing professional procedures, where sometimes negative incidents are preserved for a long time, because someone wrote up the wrong details, with inadequate caring investigation.
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As you can see by the responses, you are so not alone in this. About a year after my Hubs was diagnosed we went thru what I now see as a 'transition' phase. I was still learning how not to yell about things over which he had no control. In a nut shell... there were a lot of loud arguments, in a large apt. bldg., with very thin walls. When the guy from APS showed up at the door I was the most surprised person in the world. It took him about 5 min to figure out that nothing bad was going on. He explained what just about everyone else has already said. Once a complaint is made the law requires them to follow thru.
The complaint was made by my neighbors who really had no idea what was going on, so they called the authorities. Before he left he showed me the report he was going to file, and I signed it. He also said it would stay 'open' for about 6mos. He was also very clear that I had nothing to worry about and he made this type of 'cold call' several times per mo and most of them turned out just like mine.
It sounds like most of the people who know you and your mom think you are doing a good job. Believe them and what you already know to be true. You are doing one of the hardest jobs imaginable and doing it as well as you can. To my way of thinking if you weren't you wouldn't be worried.
I will be praying for you and your situation.
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I have aquestion, my mom is 90 and she eats eradic hours. She will eat 10 for
Beakfast and then at3 oclock for luck and 9oclock for supper.is that okay for her to do that. Pami
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Pami68 - this is a new question, so I'm clicking Report this Post - I hope that's the right way to get attention so you can put your post on a new question. Even before that, you can click on the link at the bottom of this post, under Answer this Question, it says Please stay on topic or ask a new question. You should click, ask a new question, and then ask yours! :)
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Pami, I think what you said was OK, and I think the odd eating hours are OK. You don't have to make Mom behave in a certain ay to be considered a good caregiver. You are definitely a poster child for the sandwich generation, with a lot on your plate! God Bless you!!
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Castle - you don't need to report it - just ask her to start her own topic. Reporting is for innappropriate content... It's the admin's job to keep posts on-topic. ;)

As to the original question, Joanie, please post a follow-up so we know how you're doing. Hope it has all blown over by now!
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Pam makes an excellent point - the mandated reporters must do their thing, they have no choice, but it can lead to danger for a person wrongly accused. And it can be devastating for anyone whose professional standing could be compromised, false accusation or not. SO, it is past time to protect yourself and let mom go to a nursing home. After all, this is realistically an adversary process and you have every right to refuse to put yourself at risk. Frankly, I would never take any such risk. If a person is that confused then they belong in a memory care unit and if they are just mean, then for sure, stay out of their reach.
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