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My mom complained on Friday her jaw hurt and Saturday her jaw was swollen. She is on hospice and has been on pain meds force about 7 weeks. That same week she told me a story and found out it wasn’t true. My brother and his wife are drama…he wants to sue and “own” that NH. I don’t believe for a second she got hit because first off there is no bruising, she has just made a claim that wasn’t true, she’s on meds and our hospice nurse said it’s an absessed tooth! I don’t know what to do…if I don’t handle this right my brother with whom I share POA will want her moved and so that entails a new facility and move hospice care…she’s within weeks of passing and I may just tell him if we move her HE and his drama can do it themselves. I have been her caregiver for the last 2.5 years by myself with little of no help and of course there’s $$$ on the horizon sooooo….I pray she passes soon because she is miserable and I’m tired of having to manage and this added drama has about pushed me over the edge…oh yeah…I start a new contract job next week! HELP ME LORD!

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If you have learned that your “brother loves money more than anything or anyone”, tell him that you will not be a party to any legal action, he can pay the legal bills himself, and that if mother is likely to die soon damages (if any) will be minimal. That's because damages for medical negligence rely largely on the loss of income/ cost of treatment after the incident. Say you don’t want to talk about it any more - Mother’s last days are more important than talking to lawyers.
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Perhaps a nanny cam? It’s awful being wrongfully accused
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Step away and let brother do his own thing. Do not say anything new. Spend your last good days that you can with mom. Lawyers may take up 1 in 20 complaits and it may be a longshot to reach court.
If he wants to speak to a lawyer, he has to provide evidence of misconduct. I will bet he has none. I highly doubt this case will be taken.
When you become executors, and thinking ahead of potentials, you can tell him you are not interested and push to continue division of assets. Tell him that you will hire your own lawyer so prepare a contract that you have no interest into his lawsuit claim. Then he can spend his own inheritance on his legal chase.
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PJAMMY, HUGS!
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you might have to postpone the contract job. Does your mother accuse any caregivers, including yourself, in the past of abuse? If mom is going to pass soon, I would not move her anywhere else but home. Maybe you can do that? Will you be more relaxed then if mom is home where you can keep a watchful eye on her? You can always get another job later on. Think about it. On the other hand, my mother bruises very easily because her skin is so thin and fragile. It also tears easily. I always have to be extra careful when turning or dressing/undressing her. I bought these arm sleeves that protect the skin from the elbow over the hands. All in all, I wouldn't move her at this point except to home. HUGS !!!
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This doesn't seem like the time to be giving brother any ultimatums. You share POA. By law he has to honor that. As far as suing anyone, he needs to know that attorneys cost a lot of money, and a lawsuit about this circumstance isn't likely to be one an attorney would take. $500 an hour is what such an attorney would cost in my town. I'm sorry that your mother is not being allowed to die in peace.
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PJAMMY2022 Nov 2022
She has slipped into a coma and the X-ray showed she had a swollen lymph node. He never said another word. He’s very much not at peace but this is HIS life daily. I realize that I need to do the right thing until she passes and then I will go back to my peaceful none drama life.
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Daddy had many abcesses from teeth in his later years. He would swell up at the site of the abcessed tooth and it was very noticeable.

And though he was on very strong pain meds 24/7, he was STILL in pain.

Stiff and unbending from the Parkinson's, it was a 3 person effort to get him in the car to transfer him to the dentist--who just pulled the offending tooth. No way could he have 'sat' through a complete root canal and the subsequent crowning of the tooth.

Trying to keep his oral hygeine up was difficult, to say the least. I think mom was so overwhelmed by his general condition she probably didn't have him brush daily and certainly no flossing.

Let brother deal with this. It's HIGHLY unlikely that mom was struck by a nurse.

Doesn't he get that insitgating a lawsuit at this point in mom's life is just going to make for a lot of trouble you just don't need or want. Maybe he's angry that mom is dying and he is putting all his energy in this 'lawsuit'?
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PJAMMY2022 Nov 2022
Gos is merciful and she has slipped into a coma. One thing I’ve learned about my brother is he loves money more than anything or anyone. I’ll just ride this out and then go back to my quiet life.
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I think we need to be aware that pain management now may be within the decision making of POA and hospice.

Care of the dental issue MAY be in the same balance.

Antibiotics and specific care may still be considered “extreme circumstances” based on specific information that OP hasn’t mentioned.
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PJammy, at the very least your mom should be given antibiotics for that abscess. What happens if it bursts into her sinuses?

If you have a dentist, beg them to come help your mom. Left untreated it could cause unneeded suffering.
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PJAMMY2022 Nov 2022
She’s in a coma and they’re giving her antibiotics and morphine. She will be going home to see Jesus soon. And my life will resume to the peaceful anti dramatic life that I lead.
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I understand no extreme measures are taken when on Hospice but I do think that the abscess should be drained. It causes pain and you don't want that.

Your brother, not sure what to say. If there is an abscess he should be able to see it. My husbands were always a pimple on the gum. Moving Mom at this point is not wise. Its really not fair to her.
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Isthisrealyreal Nov 2022
JoAnn, I had an abscess that caused nothing but excruciating pain and slight swelling.

I thought it might have been a sinus infection at 1st because you couldn't see anything in my mouth.

Thank God for good dentists, he saw right away and had me on the mend the same day.
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Mom's jaw, tooth & when she may pass are not issues the OP has any control over.

Reducing drama & stopping Mom from being moved at this delicate time hopefully is.
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Have him talk to the nurse directly.
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Let your brother handle it, back away, there will be more trouble on the horizon once she passes.

Keep in mind the POA dies with your mother, then the PR steps in. If it is him you will have enough drama to last a lifetime.
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PJAMMY2022 Nov 2022
I have. Mom is in a coma now. God took care of it. Unfortunately we are BOTH executors of her estate which I don’t advise anyone to do. I will back away again and let him take care of all of that. Not my monkeys not my circus. I choose peace.
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