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She claims I locked her out of the house. Then the story expanded that I was looking at her thru the glass while she pounded on door. It never happened. My aging father asks "Why would she make it up"? Family members who care for her have not gotten her any psychological help and think it's normal for old people to get angry sometimes. But mom is completely fabricating a story and expanding on it. She is delusional about some things. My mom almost hit me when she wanted me to leave. She screams insults. Calls me names. Dad never defends me. Says he's trying to stay out of it. She harps on how I locked her out (never happened) day after day to my sister in law, who cares for them. After she came at me with her fists and threatened me, I will not go back to see my dad because of her. The family caring for her, my brother and his wife, need to get her help for this. What can I do to convince them that Mom needs help ASAP?

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Wish I had solutions to go along with my comments but I don't!
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1butterfly. Thanks for your comment. It's frustrating - you said it all, it falls on deaf ears. Or they say they'll do something about it but don't. It's heartbreaking when we see elderly family members (or anyone we care about) not getting the care they need.
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It sure is hard when family members bury their collective heads in the sand. My aunt & uncle's children are this way...do not want to take needed action on important issues such as getting them a geriatric doctor instead of the worthless family doctor, taking over finances, etc., etc. So frustrating. My aunt confabulates all the time & some of their children choose to believe her at my expense. I have repeatedly mentioned how helpful it would be to all of us if they would take the time to educate themselves on their parents' condition, get them a good doctor...it all falls on deaf ears.
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Texarkana thanks for the info. My parents moved into my brothers home this summer. Yes, they are benefiting financially from this because of "rent" my parents offered to pay. I just chalk it up to the ignorance of my brother and SIL. They're the type of people who bury their heads in the sand when there's a difficult situation. They've always been that way. They respond when things get out of control.
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I am going to go out on a limb here, may be wrong,if your SIL and brother are living there with them they may not want them removed from the house because they are living off the finances of your parents , perhaps? I know this sounds ugly but things like this do happen.It certainly sounds as if dementia is in the picture and it is not being treated.Start asking yourself some hard questions. Who has POA, MPOA, DPOA? Who is responsible for taking them to MD and getting their meds in them.Do you even know what meds they are taking.? If your mother is having angry outbursts at your father she could potentially harm him,again because of dementia that is not being dealt with. If your parents are placed in a ALF or NH their SS checks go with them and any assets they have will be spent on these places or these institutions will come looking for these assets. It wouldn't be the first time adult children put off placing mom/dad in a facility in order to keep living off of them financially. I am not saying that this is what is going on but some hard questions do need to be asked, uncomfortable questions, really starting with who has POA?I feel for you,it's difficult when the child/parent role is reversed,lots of guilt.But you would be taking on the "parent" role because you are trying to help them not exploit them, there is a difference.Keep coming to this site, you are not the only one in a situation like this. I am sure there are plenty of people that have been in your shoes that will have some helpful useful advice on what your next steps should be.You just have to decide how involved you want to become because sometimes it isn't always the Ozzie and Harriet or The Brady Bunch.
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Thanks for your responses. I told her many times, calmly, that I never locked her out. My stepsister was with me when this allegedly happened, and she even told her I didn't lock her out. Mom just screams at me and calls me a damn liar. I know she has some form of dimentia. She had small strokes after heart valve surgery about 6 yrs ago and hasn't been the same since. She has been anxious and starting having angry outbursts, mainly toward my father. . But now she makes things up. My sister in law made her own diagnosis and didn't bother to tell the dr the truth. Hopefully now, after moms outburst of violent behavior, she will tell the doctor. I know there are some meds that may help her with depression and anxiety. She is my stepmom but I have treated her well and as my mom for 30+ years.
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Maria, does mom have dementia? If so, there is no "psychological help" that is going to fix this. There are medications for agitation, but her brain is broken and breaking further as we speak. As Jessie says, calmly say I would never do that, mom and redirect her to a happier subject. Try not to take it personally and give as much support as you are able to your sister in law and dad.
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My mother fabricates stories all the time. She tells me conversations with people that never happened. Tonight she was telling me that someone told her some things about my brother. I knew no one did, because I'm the only one who knows my brother. Usually this comes from an idea or speculation she has. She adds some imaginary facts to it, then makes up a story that fits. The confabulated stories sound quite plausible. They are crazy making.

I wonder if your mother dreamed or fantasized that you locked her out. Or if she saw something on TV where someone was locked out, then filled in the blanks with her own tall tale. I've not found a way to convince my mother what she says is not true. If it isn't important, I let it go. If it is important -- as it is in your case -- I say something like "I would never do that." Maybe if you say it to her a few times she will get past this. I hope so.
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