Mom (93) is very abusive and I had to baker act her. She filed a DVPO against me. What can I do?

I'm at my wits end, all I do is sit and cry. My pets are gone, she has all the possesions I worked for and she sits back and laughs. I never in my life have ever encountered such evil. My faith is even in question. Im so numb, I don't even know where to turn. I followed everything by the law and she uses her money to screw me into the ground. I've spent my life helping animals and people and to know it only took one person to hurt me so bad. Forgiveness is not in my vocabulary with her.

Sadly about pets in situations where someone has to get out, or is forced out, sometimes there is nothing we can do for them. many cases it comes down it's either 'us or the pets'.
My mom has calmed down a lot since I left home at age 24. I have found that I can get in her face and shout her down if she even attempts to start the same b.s. she was pulling when I walked out 35 years ago. She backs right off.
I was in a situation back then where I felt I was finally losing my grip on my sanity because of her. When I had left, somehow she managed to get to talk to me and this sick smug self satisfied proud statement 'I had all the cats put down, even elisa'. followed by this wheezing snicker of some sort. I did not even answer. I should have called her a b*** or something nastier, she just went on with whatever nasty drivel that was her wont at the time. It is amazing what 35 years will do. As I mentioned earlier, i can get in her face and back her off. Shuts her right up.
You are out, sadly you have to wash your hands, and if it helps you to maintain your health and sanity, so be it.

This is my first post on here. I feel for you cooter726. What an awful situation. I can feel a bit of what you're going through. Both of my parents are alcoholics. There's no rationalizing with them. My mother is also a control freak. As recommended earlier your brother should be in a protective environment; however, it's not something you can help with. I'm learning so much from reading these posts. It's like therapy to me. I'll continue to read yours and others, that's for sure. I hope I stayed on topic.

There is no proxy in place.

Does APS release results of calls/investigations to those with Health Care Procy?

Thats my plan, sad part, I have no choice but to leave my brother behind. She controls all his money so I dont have any funds to take him with me. I have to take care of me now.

Cooter - there is really only one way to deal with people like your mother - write them off. Never trust them, work to avoid all contact with them and sever them completely from your life. I know you cannot do that right now but aim for that. The day when as far as you are concerned, your "mom" does not exist. Hopefully your lawyer will help to get you free from the current mess, but the thing is, you are looking for decent, honorable behavior from someone who does not and never will have a clue what that is. All too often authority is a broken reed - they may see her for what she is, but be unable to do anything about it. By alerting APS for your brother and getting and keeping yourself clear of any involvement with her, you may be doing all you can. The idea is not to stop her doing her nasty stuff, but to protect you and your brother from her. Sooner or later, probably sooner, she will get herself into trouble and hopefully sink in it.

Wheels turn very slow with VA. We have reported all of this, it is documented, brothers injury was service related, that's why we went thru VA. That's over 4 months ago.have the sheriffs reports that show there was no abuse, yet her lawyer took pictures after she got out of baker act and shows her arm was bruised. She could of self hurt, done that before, but made lawyer believe that I did that to her. DCF had to come twice to stop abuse, she lied and said she didn't do that. Brother is very limited on his speech and capacity, besides being afraid of her. Until someone in authority takes a stand she will keep getting away with her lies. She uses her age and legally blind and plays the victim. Everyone else is at fault, never her. We see the mental illness going on.

I assume that you will have the testimony of the sheriff who saw no evidence of abuse. Have you called APS to report your brother's vulnerability? You will also need their records of past calls to them and their findings that she physically abused him.

Has always been a control freak, as long as you did what she demanded you were fine, otherwise you got her Rath of cruelty, and meanness. As she aged, it has become really bad, but she is really good in front of authority to act normal. Very very two faced.

Has she always been mentally ill or is this the dementia?

No poa. I lived in another state, she kept calling me saying she needed help with my brother and with her. If she bought a house, we could move in and be the caregivers. We both retired, moved our household possesions in. It didnt take long for her to show her true colors. Threw my partner out, I stayed because of my brother. I didnt want to believe my own mother could be so cruel.

Its a criminal case, an elder care attorney and legal aid wont touch it. But I will make sure to use your advice on who's gonna pay these fees. Hope this works. Im so depressed that anything might help.

Make sure your lawyer demands that she pay your legal expenses when you are exonerated from the abuse charge. Make that a contingency of your signing anything with him. You should not be liable for this. Is Legal Aid not willing to take this on? Is this lawyer an Elder Care attorney?

I take it you don't have poa. How did you come to be living there? Did you have a caregiver agreement set up with her, for her care or for your brother's?

Humane society said they can board the cats for a fee, they are 12 and 15 yrs old.

Living on SS. Waiting on a place. Would have already moved, was almost all pack, then got hit with this injunction. She' threatens me to get out, I start packing and she goes ballistic, that's why she was baker acted. Gets out and I'm escorted out by a sheriffs. Only have a bag of clothes, laptop and meds.on limited income I found a lawyer who's willing to do payments. No idea what he's going to be able to do.

Call the Humane Society and explain the situation. Is there a no kill shelter in your area? Are there folks who will foster your cats until you get your own place?

What are your assets? Are you retired, pension, SS? What are your plans for housing? Living?

If she can do this she will find a way to get rid of my household possesions. The dvop court date is not till the 17 th of April. I can't even get my things put in storeage because of the dvop. I didn't do anything, but no one is seeing thru her lies. Money talks.
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I have no place to keep them, staying with friends, no pets allowed.

So, can't you get the cats from the Humane Society?

The humane society just called and said they are picking up the cats. I'm beyond heartbroken. Why can't her Dr's, the sheriffs, even lawyers see the brutality of what she's doing. Instead I'm the one being persecuted. I cannot wrap my head around the cruelty. Im near the end,I can't take anymore.

Cooter, your brother would be better off in a nursing home.

Request the sherrif accompany your partner

The possesions consist of a house full of furniture. It also states in the dvop that third party persons are NOT allowed there either or any contact. Yet shes the one violating the order by calling people to tell my partner its ok to come over. Great way to get arrested.

Having a third party contact another third party is not a violation of dvop. Send your partner for the cats. Do NOT go there, you have to stay a designated footage away from the property. It might be 150 ft or more. Read the dvop. You should have cat carriers for the safety of the animals. Possessions can be boxed up and left outside for you.

She was told by sheriffs that if she abuses neglects or if something happens while in her care, she will be charged with animal cruelty.

Go with cops to get cats before she has them put down.
I do realize sometimes there is no way of doing this and the sadness will have to be endured.
Good luck cooter.

No, aren't allowed to go there for cats or possesions. She's telling people that her lawyer said it was ok to get them. No Way do I trust her. I can't go there but says the dvop isn't against my partner, so she can come gets the cats. But my partner is named in the dvop. These are the type of games she plays. I know at this point I have to give up on my brother. This is a little of how vindicated she can be.

Cooter, if I understand this, someone is going to go and get the cats? Let them do so before you do anything else. Then call police to try and get your stuff if that is allowed.
Once that is the case, walk away. I am sorry about your brother but this is probably going to play out despite what you do.