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I have many posts here from awhile back about my mother, 77. with osteoporosis, a back full of problems, post multi-level cervical spine fusion two years ago, poor balance, most (likely from her longtime neck problems), and being overmedicated. Oh and she's a hoarder. We had an incident on Easter weekend with her meds. She didn't sound right on the phone. I went to her house, found her on the floor, talking total nonsense and unable to get off the floor. I took video of her to show her so she couldn't deny she was in that condition. Husband and I sat with her for several hours, saw that her brain cleared up on it's own. She was fine and dandy the next day. I showed her the video, said she'd better figure out what she'd taken, and NEVER do it again... because the next time I would be forced to call EMS to at least get her up. She said "maybe she accidentally" took and extra.... something... Elavil, Norco... who knows. But anyway, she knows I am onto her. I also said I could get a home nurse to come set up her pill box. It's complicated because she does actually have real pain. Sigh. Anyway, she now wants out of her hoarded house. If she sold it she could at most afford a trailer house. She used to live in them and thinks it's the answer to all her problems. I believe we would work ourselves to death to get her moved and set up, and the place would be a pig pen in two months. I told her I can't see her having to get up and down stairs or even a ramp by herself. It's an accident waiting to happen. What say you all about this stairs issue?

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Hi Oedgar23,


Good to "see" you and sorry to see you also. To answer your question about stairs. I think your intuition is correct on that. Her ability and balance will only get worse over time not better. I agree the trailer is a deflection and pipe dream for her and won't solve any of the issues....


I'm sorry this is all happening...
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I hope she has funds for assisted living where she will be safer .
There is always APS .
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Oedgar23 May 14, 2025
She does not have funds for that. She’d need to medically and financially qualify for LTC Medicaid. She would have to do a small spend down for the Medicaid. For my understanding, she would not yet medically qualify for a nursing home. She’s not on oxygen, her room air saturations have her around 93 to 97%. I do suspect she has COPD as I said in another post in this thread. She can still walk, but has poor balance. She is aware of when her bills are due, and Cole manages them with me. Basically, I pay certain things online and we discussed them. But she handles certain bills like her credit cards on her own. She understands money, she does not seem too vulnerable to being scammed. Her main issues are her poor balance,chronic pain, addiction tendencies, and depression/anxiety. But she can still dress herself, bathe, fix simple things in the kitchen. But she does absolutely no cleaning or housework by normal people standards. She will wash her clothing in her bed linens, but none of it gets put away. She’s got piles and piles. She spills things such as drinks and cigarettes and just leaves them in the floor. If her dog has an accident on the floor, she might spray some cleaner on it, but never actually wipe it up. But she can still do the basic ADLs so I don’t think she qualifies for a nursing home.
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Oedgar, is it possible to hire a house cleaner that comes in every couple of weeks? Does her budget have any space for this?

It could be a fix for the filth in the hoard.
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Oedgar23 May 14, 2025
Not much room in her budget. And my husband and I are already paying for half of her yardwork service to get him out of doing it. He got hurt at work at the beginning of last summer and I was already against him doing it. We lined up a Yard person and she protested until we agreed to pay half. But it was the only way to get my husband out of doing it. And then hurricane barrel happened And he would not have had time to take on her weekly Yard mowing anyway. As he was beginning to heal from his injury, he had to pick right up with storm cleanup for multiple elder family members. And we did work on her yard after that one day as well. I have a kid away at college so there is no room in my budget to pick up anything else of hers.
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Next time she is found, call 911. Have her evaluated for 24/7 care. If found that she needs it, allow the State to take over her care. They can get her placed quicker than u can and get thecpeoerwork done if Medicaid is needed.
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After all this you want to know about the stairs?
I don't really think that the stairs are the issue, here, do you?

Your mother needs to be in care and management 24/7 so that her medications can be managed and so that hoarding and unsanitary and unsafe conditions can be prevented. Eventually APS may need to be contacted?

I gather that in normal circumstances your mother is NOT legally incompetent in her own decisions, so this isn't something you can force.
You are correct that this will come to a head.
Meanwhile have built a good set of stairs and siderails for the duration, I guess.
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Oedgar23 May 14, 2025
That is correct. She is normally competent. She has psych issues, symptoms of several personality disorders, but she is legally competent to make decisions. I was finally able to access her medical record from a hospital. Stay in 2021. They said she was in with toxic encephalopathy that improved when they reduced her medication’s. She is now on all of the same medication‘s, but slightly lower dose on one or two of them. They had her evaluated and decided she could go home without outpatient psych care. There have been multiple episodes of her being found by caregivers, the neighbors, etc., in this exact same condition. This was before she came and found me at my house after the 10 year estrangement. We have been a pain management. She had two spinal injections that did not work plus an ablation. The next thing they proposed was an implanted pain pump that she refused.
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No stairs.

Perhaps you could help her get assistance to clean out her current hoard. Because she will just hoard the next place she lives.

My mom walked away from her hoarded house and bought a new travel trailer with 2 bedrooms, it was completely hoarded out when she passed 9 months later. Just sad. Totally expected though.

These situations are just hard. Prayers that you can help her find a way forward and not accidentally OD herself.

My mom was a prescription drug addict because of chronic pain and enjoyed being high, it is terrible to watch and not be able to really do anything. Great big warm hug!
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Oedgar23 May 14, 2025
Thank you. Yes I think my mother has a legitimate need for the meds, at least some of them. But I’ve told her she’s got a whole polypharmacy situation going on. And I don’t think she accidentally took an extra of anything. She’s just saying that to make it look like she’s not an addict. I’d say her hoarding is about a level two with the bigger problem, just being actual filth rather than clutter. Adult protective services did a major clean out of her house January 2 years ago. It was back to its original condition, minus the hole in the roof, in about three months. We’ve entertained selling her house and using that chunk of money to rent a senior apartment. But it won’t go very far, maybe five years. And also with her behavior and psych issues I think she would get kicked out. She would break the smoking rules, decide that the neighbors were out to get her, etc.
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Just no.

Congrats to your Mom for wanting to leave her hoarded situation. However, I note the words were LEAVE it, not FIX it.
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IF (and I do mean IF) she is willing to leave her hoard, she should go live where she will be less able to hoard or fall, like a senior apartment (section 8 housing for elderly/disabled) or to AL (and you can tell her it's "temporary"...wink...) BUT, if you are not her PoA, then you should not intervene nor get your hopes up for anything to change from her end. You know the drill: you just keep reporting her to APS and then they will eventually be the boss of her going forward. Maybe use this opportunity to lay out a plan: "I will help you completely but ONLY if you give me Durable PoA (which means it is active the moment she signs it) and then agree to cognitive/memory test with your primary doctor to get a baseline measurement. You need to agree to make me joint on your banking. If you do anything to rescind my PoA I will immediately stop helping you and you will become the ward of a court-assigned legal guardian". Do not lift a finger unless she agrees to this. If she's addicted to Norco, that is a separate problem. My sweet MIL became addicted to it at 73 after surgery for a broken back. No one plans to become an addict. This is a discussion with a pain clinic or orthopedist. If she goes to AL she can probably pay "a la carte" for an aid to dispense her meds. In AL she will be less likely to be able to hoard (unless she still drives? Hoping she doesn't drive if she's got a pill problem). Having someone fill her pill box and then letting her have free access to all the other days is NOT a solution for her addiction. I wish you much success in helping her get appropriate care. Please give updates as you are able.
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If mobility was the only issue, I’d say that she could probably buy or rent a ramp that could be temporarily installed to help someone with mobility issues to get in and out. Powered lifts are also available if there isn’t room for a ramp.

Unfortunately, the hoarding likely means that the interior of the home will be inaccessible in a short period of time no matter how easy it is to get to the front door.

Setting aside the hoarding issues she is accustomed to, trailer homes often have narrow interior doors and hallways; some also have odd interior thresholds and floor mounted HVAC vents that can be a trip hazard for the unwary. The homes in parks are subject to requirements as extensive or more so than any HOA and when it’s time to sell, the rent must be paid while it is vacant, and the commissions are often higher than expected.

I will wander further from your actual question and speculate that you are allowing her fantasy of buying a new house to escape the hoard to distract you from the immediate issue of her medication error, and any cognitive impairment that led to it. So, yes, I strongly agree that any similar incident needs an EMS call and further suggest a strong push for a a ER visit and a cognitive assessment.
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She shouldn't be living alone because she's clearly beyond the point where she can manage by herself.

You shouldn't be thinking that you can keep this up. I don't believe that her brain is permanently "cleared up." Sick brains don't do that permanently, and you may be thinking that she was that way because of the drugs she took, but you have no idea how often this happens or the extent of the problem. And even if you did, this is beyond the expertise of a family member.

Check out managed care and move her in where she'll have 24/7 care and be safer. You can get what you can for her house, but there is no point helping her buy a trailer because the same problems (and possibly worse!) will follow her there.

So sorry, I wish it were otherwise. But you must deal with what is happening, not what she insists SHOULD happen. She's not in her right mind, drugs are involved, and she shouldn't make decisions for herself.

Don't even think of moving her in with you! Even temporarily! You'd regret it in about 5 seconds.
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Oedgar23 May 13, 2025
She'll never live with me. She was here for 9 days during the last hurricane, because we had a small generator/window ac. It was a miserable 9 days. I was literally sick from the stress. Not from the storm, or the power outage... just having her on my couch! And her at my kitchen table insisting on handling her dentures there. Or her mental issues around food. My gosh my family was so ready for her to leave!!! A series of good things happened to enable me to get her house repaired and power back on. Had I not acted that very first morning after the storm, we would not have even been able to get an electrician so quickly! Nope, she's not living with me.
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